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You Have Been Cautioned
by Art Wright

the contents of this coffee cup may be HOT
please be careful not to burn yourself or others
the contents may also be wet
spillage may result in slipping hazards
the shorting-out of electrical equipment
electrocution and death
or a possibly an embarrassing stain on the pants
the contents of this coffee cup
may also be COLD
sudden violent reactions from sipping yesterday’s coffee
carelessly left on your desk
could dislocate any number of bodily joints,
scare fellow employees or,
result in the accidental send of that questionable email you will later regret
the contents of this coffee cup may not even be coffee
please do not accept beverages in this,
or any other cup
from people you do not know
unless they are clearly identifiable representatives of a reputable establishment or the government
this cup should not be used to contain any non-digestible substances,
especially petroleum based products and radioactive material
please, please, please do not eat this cup
although this cup may be distributed
via a drive-through service
do not utilize this cup,
(or read this warning label),
while operating a motor vehicle
please exercise extreme caution
while transporting this cup
from the vehicle
to the stationary location
where you may enjoy it safely
this cup is not a toy
please keep it out of the reach of children
(on second thought, since any well-motivated and mischievous child
can probably find a way to get to it…
it is best to hold onto it at all times until you are finished and can dispose of it properly)
please consult our website
for proper disposal techniques
do not use this cup to eavesdrop on your neighbors through the wall
doing so could expose you to potentially disturbing, or dangerous information
this cup is NOT a life preserver
using it in this manner
could result in legal action
from the drowning victim’s family
if other more suitable floatation devices are proven to have been available
this cup is not sanctioned for use in any religious rituals
especially those in which someone may get hurt
for any other questions or concerns regarding the safe use of this product
please consult our website under the “Common Sense” link
any attempt to sue the manufacturer or authorized distributor of this product,
for any calamity arising from its use or misuse,
will be met with a team of lawyers
that will eat you for lunch
and leave you to use this cup
for begging on the street corner
please sign here:
and enjoy your beverage