Who's Been
Eating My Yamato Nishikikis?
by Bill Naylor
“Koi carp
aren’t cheap.”
“Assuming
I’d received a sales call I was about to
hang up.”
“The
stork from your zoo, has gobbled all mine up.”
“But we
don’t have any storks here.“
“Our pond
lights change colour, and of an evening Madge and
I like to sit and watch the fish, and guess which
coloured light is going to come on next. But
every night your stork appears. In the shadows
with its wings outstretched, it looks just like a
Terry- duck- tile."
“We
don’t have any storks at zoo. Not one.”
“He just
wades into the pond licking his beak and starts
stabbing at the fish, you would think he had a
harpoon. I’m demanding compensation”
I was now
chanting arms aloft “We aint got storks. We
aint got no storks. What have we got? We aint got
storks!”
“Once we
scared him while he was swallowing fish, and he
regurgitated Yamato-nishikikis all over the
decking. Did you say you haven’t got any
storks?”
“I did
happen to mention that in passing, yes.”
“Well
what’s them vertical grey things on stilts
near the entrance to the zoo?”
“Demoiselle
Cranes.”
“Mademoiselle
Cranes, that’s em. One of them is the fish
swallower.”
“Impossible!
They are clipped, flightless, grounded, unable to
rise in the air and leave the enclosure, unless
assisted by a tornado.”
The caller was
passing on what I said to his wife, and then
relaying her comments back to me.
“He said
they are clipped Madge, groundless! …Its to
stop em getting sucked up by tornados.
I’ll ask him. Our house backs onto the zoo,
and Madge says with their long legs, your
Mademoiselle Cranes could easily have jogged over
here, nicked our the fish and jogged back to the
zoo?"
“No way!
A seven-foot fence rings their enclosure. And
before Madge asks, they can’t jump or burrow,
nor are they allowed out for the weekend."
“So
it’s a sort of swan then. A fish eating swan
Madge!”
“Forget
swan! A heron is a water bird with a large dagger
like beak.”
“More of
a pelican then. It’s a pelican Madge, those
birds you say have got a bag for life under their
chin. I wish you’d told me this before.
You’ve been wasting my time.” (I never
thought I could chew a telephone book in half,
but apparently I can.)
“Its
almost certain the bird that ate your fish is a
heron, from the nearby river."
“He said
it’s definitely not a swan or pelican Madge.
It’s a heron, from the nearby river. I’ll
ask him. Madge wants to known as the bird came
from the nearby river, would the Water Company
pay compensation?”
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