by Phil Temples
The sound of
the blast from the Acme Super Deluxe Bomb was
deafening. The bomb went off in Wiley Coyotes
hands, seconds after he had picked it up.
He had placed
it next to crudely marked sign that read BERD
FEED but the bomb failed to detonate when
Roadrunner stopped to eat. As Roadrunner sped
away, Coyote came out from behind the large rock
where he had been hiding to see what caused the
malfunction. At that moment, the Acme device
chose to explode. When the smoke finally cleared,
Coyote had been reduced to a charred, smoking fur
ball. Per the script, Coyote blinked, then he
held a blank expression of resignation and defeat
for about five seconds.
Thats a wrap. Good job, everyone,
cried the director through his bullhorn. Well
pick up tomorrow morning at 9 oclock sharp.
muttered a few obscenities under his breath as he
brushed the soot from his body. Although he
considered himself a professional, the stunts
were taking their toll on Coyoteboth
physically and emotionally. Day in and day out,
the typecast villain found himself outfoxed by
the feathered hero. Kids and adults of all ages
supposedly loved the show. Coyote was beginning
to loathe it, despite his multi-million dollar
getting really old, Coyote said to no one
in particular. Everyone knew that Roadrunner was
an idiot who possessed a brain the size of a
real star on this show._
himself why he put up with it. He didnt see
Goofy or Mickey or Bugs stooping to such
indignities. Sure, they took the occasional hard
fall during a stunt. But it wasnt at all
like the constant harassment and humiliation that
he had to endure.
_I need a new
_I need a new
day brought no more relief in sight for Wiley
Coyote. An Acme safe was dropped on his head; he
took a fall off a steep cliff; and, Coyote had a
headlong encounter in the tunnel with a speeding
freight trainall before lunch, no less.
Coyote was in an ugly mood.
beep, my ass!_
about his dilemma all the way to the dressing
room trailer. He would figure out a way to send
this bug-eating, two-bit geek from the traveling
circus packing if it was the last thing he would
do. Finally, he figured it out. It wasnt
that Coyote needed a new contract or a new agent.
No, what he needed were real weapons that would
worknot the phony-baloney Acme props.
Raytheon? Yes, Id like to order one of
those Massive Ordnance Air Burst thingies. Can
you deliver it by next week? Thats great.
Yes... Uh-huh... Send it to Studio 1C, Hollywood,
California, attention Mister Coyote...
Oh, and would you throw in a few anti-personnel
mines and some cluster bombs, too? ...
mine, thought Wiley, as he set about baking a
mealy worm pie as a gift for his soon-to-be