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The Yolk's on You
by Marian Brooks

Kevin Colsen was by far the worst boyfriend June ever had. He was also the best boyfriend, sometimes on the same day. Over a two year period, this became painful and tedious. On the one hand he’d say something insensitive and cruel and then quickly apologize on his knees. He was the most affectionate man she had ever known, generous, smart and funny. Once, after a screaming fight in which he called June the “c” word, she walked out swearing never to return. The next day, Kevin appeared at her door with jewelry, not junk jewelry either. His greatest act of contrition took the form of one carat diamond earrings, that is one carat for each ear. That bought him a little more time. He swore he loved her more than words could say.

The inevitable break up occurred on an evening when they were out for dinner with June’s married friends. June ordered a Caesar Salad which the waiter mixed at the table. He realized that he’d forgotten an ingredient or two and went back into the kitchen. But the eggs were on the tray right in front of Kevin. He described what happened next as a misunderstanding, intended to be some kind of twisted prank. He tapped one of the eggs on June’s head assuming the egg to be hard boiled. As Kevin probably knew, eggs for Caesar Salad are raw. There June sat with the yolk dripping down the side of her face deciding what to do. She imagined that all her friends were thanking God that they were married and didn’t have to deal with dating situations like this one. June was a lady. Instead of cracking the remaining egg over Kevin’s skull, she quietly got up from her seat and walked into the Rest Room to rinse her hair. She was able to salvage the French braid which now looked sleek and shiny but stiff as a board. She called a cab, said good-bye to her friends and left the premises.

The next time June saw Kevin, he was walking hand in hand with his new-found love. She was wearing a pricey emerald necklace.