The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

The Comedian's Notebook V
by M. V. Montgomery

Chickens lay, People lie. And that's why people are more wicked than chickens. 

If you could see yourself as others see you…you’d be a contortionist.

I’m getting to that age where one of the most important considerations has to be, “What sort of a skeleton am I going to leave behind for posterity?” It’s true that my frame has become calcified around the neck, lumbar, and knees; but still, I haven’t broken a hip or major bone. I’ve had enough dental work that my grin would startle, but not really scare. And I’ve spent so long in academia that I could probably continue on in an anatomy class as a teaching display, earning what little money I could for my future grandchildren.

Picnic at Hanging Rock, A Cry in the Dark, Strangerland. The Australians sure love them some movies about disappearing children.

Of course I liked the Go-Gos, but the Bangles could blow them off the stage.

“99 bottles of nonalcoholic beverages on the wall, 99 bottles of nonalcoholic beverages.” Just toning it down for a road trip with my kid.


Murder at the Theatre

“I think one of the actors did it,” said the Producer.
“No, I’m pretty sure that the Director did it,” said the Wardrobe Manager.
“You’re right!” agreed Inspector Silihew immediately.
Question: Why did Inspector Silihew agree with the Wardrobe Manager?
Answer: Because the costumer is always right.


I Bid Thee Good Night

“I’ve caught the clap,” she confessed. “And also, I have gas.”
“Just my luck!” I lamented. “Gonorrhea with the wind!”


Cribbage is such a mild-mannered card game that I feel it would be improved by taunting. Such as:
“I’ll fifteen-four and fifteen-deep six ya”;
“You need to use Mapquest to find out what street you’re on”;
“You’ll be crying like a baby when you see my crib.”

New state slogan. Florida: “Georgia’s Wang.”

Online promo for English teacher: “I can help you make language your bitch.”


The Birdman Tweets Back

“Are you really sure no one can swim away from Alcatraz?”
“Yes, that’s my inescapable conclusion.”


Coffee: wakie-uppy juice. Whiskey: puttie-sleepy juice.

It’s just plain wrong to be against Adam and Steve, or Madam and Eve.

Cinderella’s Irregular Day: She swept, leant, crept, knelt, felt, wept, and slept.

As I age, I find myself more and more frequently bowing to pee-er pressure.
Often I have to get up in the middle of the night to succumb to pee-er pressure.

I’m a little dyslexic. Also, I like to eat in front of the TV. So every time the ad for “Home Fires” comes on, I suddenly become hungry for home fries.

Haiku: After the rainstorm,/Drops fall softly fall from branches./ I call it: tree pee.

History is always changing.

Eating too many hot dogs can give you mustard gas.

Sometimes life is like a K-Pop video I just don’t feel happy enough to watch.