by M. V.
Sisyphus the other day. Told him,You rock,
everyone has to be either a morning or an evening
person? Where are all the mid-day people when
these surveys are being done? Taking a siesta?
create a more festive mood at the office, I will
go to the closet where we keep the new folders,
pens, and paper, pull open the door suddenly, and
think they emptied our garbages last night,
said one of my colleagues. I dont think
theyve emptied our garbage all week,
replied another. All right, you two, I
interrupted. Enough with the trash talk.
vision is becoming a little blurry lately. Im
afraid I might have Eye-bola.
god, my ears were plugged up on the plane so I
didnt have to listen to anyone.
accepted test to see how redneck an area you live
in is to leave your broken mower out by the
street with a sign on it reading, FREE.If
its still there the next morning and the
neighbors are starting to glare in your direction,
congratulations: you live in a nice place. If the
broken mower is gone the next morningwell
OK then, your neighbors wont expect you to
stand on ceremony. If the broken mower is gone
ten minutes after you leave it there, wuh-oh,
Junior! Better keep an eye on those property
my elderly relatives forward me so much junk e-mail
that I have a file called Spamily.
brother has won Peabody awards, but I tell him,
big deal. When are you going to bring home the
believe you threw my milk away, dude! Sure, it
was past the sell by date, but it
hadnt yet reached the smell by
should come with a warning: Cooking this
vegetable may cause your whole house to smell
the stages of evolution each day as I get up out
of bed and slowly stand upright.
growth. Why, thats one of the fastest kinds
of growth there is!
Minnesota football stadium looks like a
combination of a Viking ship and a Best Buy.
it is much easier to be named after both the sun
and the moon.
commercials for HDTV are kind of a paradox. If
you dont have an HDTV, you wont be
able to watch the ad in HD to appreciate what the
new product can do. Only thing is, when I see
those ads, they always look really good on my old,
low-def TV. How can this be? Do HDTV companies
have the power to grant my set extra-receptive
powers just for their ads?
afford to see a psychologist, so I went to Subway
to consult a sandwich specialist.
glint of gold on the horizon this morning only a
The perfect annulus of a Krispy
Lookit you. Strutting around like
you got a choc-lit in your pocket.
Sometimes you buy a packaged salad
at the store and it will say prewashed.
Youd think that the opposite of prewashed
would be unwashed, so how come other
packages are never labeled unwashed?
Instead, it will say, Always wash produce
before eating. Not only cant they get
to the point, but they have to give you a lecture.
Woke up feeling so tired today, had
to wonder if Bill Cosby might have slipped me a
You really put the color in
colorectal surgery, doc.
To someone with a too-flashy smile:
Could you coffee up those teeth a little?
Classic argument ad ignorantiam:
I dont snore.
Everyone should learn a little Latin
because once you know the roots of the language,
you can pick up so many words! For example, did
you know mal means bad and mar
means sea? So the true meaning of a Mallomar is a
bad sea cookie. Amazing, right?
Got a job yet? No, but I just had a
Im a grill watcher.
Leaving my lawyers office: See
you later, litigator.
Sorry for those puns. Ive been
diagnosed with me-so-silly-oma.