by M. V.
Uncle Steves Speech at
the Family Picnic
Hey, thanks to Ron and Ronnie,
who when it comes to hosting these shindigs
really know how to step up to the plate.
Especially Ron himself, folks, if you know what I
mean. Just lookit him putting away those burgers!
And howzabout that bean-and-weiner dish of
Ronnieshuh, ladies and gents? Maybe I
should say, ladles and germs?
Aunt Magdas Cautionary
You children run along.
Ill be out later. Gotta watch your stepthose
Communiss might be lurking in the bushes trying
to take your picture, or maybe hanging
microphones down from the porch, tryin to
record everything you say. Thats what that
dear, dear man from Wisconsin used to say when I
was just a girl your age. That Senator Joe.
Cousin Jennas Letter
Home From College
. . . Its not like
Centreville is the center of the world, you know.
There are lots of other places!! Ive made
some friends here who believe I must have grown
up in the sticks!! They know that theres a
world out there bigger than you can
possibly even imagine!! So you might as well know
now that when I graduate, I am going to move to
Pappy Lous 95th
Goddamn it, I said Im
tired. Cant a man lie down when he wants to?
[Snores]. What the . . .? [Pause]. Blow out the
damn candles yourself. Waste of electricity!
Olley, golley, whats shakin, Miss Molly?
Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh [Snorts, blows
his nose]. Sure Ill make a wish, now,
damnye! I wish youd all just pop
off so I could lie down.