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Our Family Annals
by M. V. Montgomery

Uncle Steve’s Speech at the Family Picnic

“Hey, thanks to Ron and Ronnie, who when it comes to hosting these shindigs really know how to step up to the plate. Especially Ron himself, folks, if you know what I mean. Just lookit him putting away those burgers! And howzabout that bean-and-weiner dish of Ronnie’s—huh, ladies and gents? Maybe I should say, ‘ladles and germs’?”

Aunt Magda’s Cautionary Tale

“You children run along. I’ll be out later. Gotta watch your step—those Communiss might be lurking in the bushes trying to take your picture, or maybe hanging microphones down from the porch, tryin’ to record everything you say. That’s what that dear, dear man from Wisconsin used to say when I was just a girl your age. That Senator Joe.”

Cousin Jenna’s Letter Home From College

“. . . It’s not like Centreville is the center of the world, you know. There are lots of other places!! I’ve made some friends here who believe I must have grown up in the sticks!! They know that there’s a world out there bigger than you can possibly even imagine!! So you might as well know now that when I graduate, I am going to move to New York!!”

Pappy Lou’s 95th Birthday Wish

“Goddamn it, I said I’m tired. Can’t a man lie down when he wants to? [Snores]. What the . . .? [Pause]. Blow out the damn candles yourself. Waste of electricity! Olley, golley, what’s shakin, Miss Molly? Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh [Snorts, blows his nose]. Sure I’ll make a wish, now, damnye! I wish you’d all just pop off so I could lie down.”