The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

On-Line Affair
by Phil Temples

>SALLYSUE78: I’m 25 y.o., 5’4” high, black hair and chestnut eyes.

The woman typed her vitals to “Pierre” who lived just outside of Paris. Single and unattached, Sally worked as a store clerk in Racine, Wisconsin. She had met Pierre only last night on an on-line chat room.

After a half-hour of uninspired one-liners, Sally decided to get more serious. She invited Pierre to a private conversation the following afternoon. In the short time that they had typed to one another, Sally felt that she and Pierre could become best friends and pen pals.

>CHIEN-DE-PARIS: I bet you are beautiful American girl. I am small for my age, early 20s, but I am very athletic. I run along the River Seine every morning.

>SALLYSUE78: The Seine must be beautiful in the morning :-)

Sally closed her eyes and imagined the low-slung tourist boats making their way against the slow, flowing current of the majestic river--a river that had inspired many romances over the centuries.

>CHIEN-DE-PARIS: Maybe sometime you can visit me in Paris, no? I will bring you the sights. We will dine in small places that no tourist can visit because he does not know of it.

>SALLYSUE78: It sounds delightful. Yes, I’d love to see your country some day!

Sally secretly wished that it could be true, but she was a realist. She tipped the scales at over 360 pounds and possessed an overabundance of facial hair. Sally would no doubt continue to confine her romantic interests to on-line chat encounters.

>CHIEN-DE-PARIS: Tell me, Sally. A beautiful girl like you must already have a boyfriend, no?

>SALLYSUE78: You didn’t tell me you were such a big flirt!!!

>CHIEN-DE-PARIS: I am serious. Anyone who talks with you can see that you are charming, intelligent and beautiful. How do you say in English? A real _catch_! Pierre added.

>CHIEN-DE-PARIS: Maybe you have several boyfriends?!

>SALLYSUE78: Really, Pierre. Stop it or you’re going to embarrass me ;-0


Pierre was insistent with the line of questioning about Sally’s relationships. Sally hadn’t meant to say it. After a few more exchanges, her fingers literally blurted out the painful truth.

>SALLYSUE78: I’m not attractive! I’m really, really fat and I’m ugly. “On the internet no one knows you’re a dog!!!”

Right there on the keyboard. There! I said it, okay! She was shaking from the last statement.

On Pierre’s end of the connection, half a world away, there was a stunned silence. Pierre reached up and hit the power switch on the computer. He leapt off the chair, scattering the telephone directories onto the floor in the process.

Pierre’s best friend and owner, Andrea, saw Pierre racing out of the bedroom. As Pierre headed out the apartment, Andrea quipped, “Rejeté par un autre amoureuse?” “Jilted by another lover?”

How could she have known? How did I betray myself? Pierre asked himself. Angry and upset, the four-year-old bull terrier went outside with intentions of terrorizing the neighbor’s cat.