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Notes To Self 2
by M. V. Montgomery

Maybe it’s time we all started having more fun with the social distancing thing. Even if we’re covering our mouths with our masks, there’s no reason why we can’t greet others with a hearty, “Why, hello there, fellow citizen! Top o’ the face to you!”

One thing NASCAR has taught me is that whatever goes around, comes around.

More than anything else over these past three weeks, I've been questioning Donald Trump’s golf game.  A golfer can be subject to any number of variables on a given day, so it’s hard to believe someone Trump’s age wouldn’t have any concept of losing. Maybe the key to getting him to accept his election loss is to take him aside and tell him, “You see, Mr. President, elections can be like golf.  This time, the swing states just didn’t swing your way.” It would be like teaching the megacomputer in War Games the game of tic-tac-toe to introduce the concept of a stalemate. 

Fine, you don’t want me to stitch your wound. Suture yourself.

I got so tired doing laundry that I actually did make my bed and lay on it too.

Why do we call Saturday and Sunday the “weekend,” if Sunday is technically the start of a new week? Wouldn’t it make more sense to refer to them as the “turn of the week?” Oh, man, you’ll never believe what happened to me this turn-o-the-week. No kidding, bro, I had a hellish turn-o-the-week, too!

That pit in my backyard isn’t a sinkhole, it’s a koi pond. You don’t see any fish? They’re just shy. And that’s why they’re playing koi.

Well, if the shoe quacks….

They say it's important for people, especially as they get older, to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning.  And I’d say my reason is urination.

Living into senescence is not all bad, provided your dementia lets you believe you are living in Besteverland. If your memory is shot, then that sandwich you’re eating could very well be the best ever. You are entitled to make a blissful assumption there. If, on the other hand, you are looking for every sandwich to remind you of one you had in your youth, and your memory is unshakeable, then you very may well be doomed. You are going to live out your life in Worsteverland.

Could there ever be such a thing as an anti-social influencer? [Sign me up.]

Ancient Egyptians were just like us in some ways and Tutankhamun in others.

Better Poetics #1: Carnivorousness Reconsidered

Why must we eat our fellow creatures,
Despite their almost-human features?

The sweet countenance of the cow,
The tender smile of the mother sow,

The lambent eyes of the little lamb,
The determined grimace of the ram,

The nervous nodding of the chicken,
Who never asked to be finger-lickin’

The distinguished bearing of the turkey,
Who never sought to become our jerky.

We should serve them all with heads on,
So we would have to look them dead-on.

And faced with that prospect, eye-to-eye,
I don’t think we’d wish for them to die.