Mick 'n Me: The
Keith Richards Children's Book
by Con Chapman
Mick 'n Me: The Keith Richards
Richards has co-written a childrens
n me was flirtin with some birds when
it started to rain.
go inside n play! Mick says and the
girls says Sure!
we got inside we wondered what to do.
you like arts n crafts? one of the
birds says and Mick says You bet!
you have Plaster of Paris? the other asks.
is England, I says, not France.
the first bird says. Plaster of Paris is a
fun way to spend time indoors. You mix it with
water and make it into statutes.
kind of statues? Mick asks.
kinds, the other bird says. Pull down
your pants and well make a cast of the
first one that comes up!
I was to pick my favoritest moments with me dad
it would be the times we spent playing with our
noses. I dont mean like blowing milk out
your nose when you laugh. I mean when you use
your nose the right way, and take stuff
in--like an elephant!
pour me out a line of Lik-m-aid candy in grape or
cherry, then hed pour himself a line of his
favorite candy. His was whiteI guess he
hed roll up a $100 bill hed earned
from his hard work of copying songs by dead black
musicians. Now, hed say,
put a finger on one nostril, and suck!
repeat those words until I was confident I could
do it like a proper rock star, then inhale.
you goBobs your uncle! dad
would say and hed give me a penny for
bein such a good boy. Next week
Ill show you how to shoot up.
was a month after Valentines Day, and I
regretted Id given Mary Klapfelder a little
candy heart that said Lets Spend the
Night Together. She was always waiting for
me after school, and shed leave herself
wide open for a smacking in Dodgeball. It was
over between us, but I didnt know how to
get her out of my life, so I asked my dad.
I says. Is it ever okay to hurt a girl?
not, he says. You could get sued and
lose your record deal.
I have to be Mary Klapfelders boyfriend forever?
plunked me down on one knee. What makes you
say that? he said.
want to break up with her, but she wont
leave me alone.
started to laugh.
thought you meant hurt hurt, he
said. No, you did her a big favor by being
did? Maybe Dads forgotten I pick my
Youre a rock star. You brought a fleeting
taste of fame into her life, now dump her like a
what if she wont leave me alone?
your people give her a bunch of money to be quiet
and send her home in a cab.