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Me and Anne Frank, Like Best Friends Forever!
by Con Chapman

Educators are concerned that today’s teens are too quick to equate the turmoil of their lives with hardships endured by Anne Frank.        

The Boston Globe


Dear Diary:

You’re lucky I read The Diary of Anne Frank. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have started you, so without the Holocaust, you wouldn’t exist LOL! Funny how something totally random can have this major impact on your life.

Hard to believe 25 million people read her diary! If that many people read mine I couldn’t show my face in the cafeteria.

Also the stuff I put into you wouldn’t be as good if I hadn’t read her. You helped my writing—my Common App essay rocked!

I have a lot in common with Anne. Her mother annoyed her, my mother annoys me. She had a rivalry with her sister, I hate my brother. She wanted to be an actress, I should be in the movies. Nobody understood her, nobody understands me. She had to hide from the Nazis, I have to hide crib notes up my sleeve for my Calculus final.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Diary—

I cannot believe I am grounded!

I got drunk and threw up, but we only took a little out of the Absolut bottle, and we replaced it with mom’s bottled water. She puts ice in her drink anyway, so it saved her a step.

Two weeks of hell--good thing I read The Diary of Anne Frank, so I can endure pain.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Diary—

I have the stupidest brother EVER! Last night I slept over at Courtney’s, and while I was gone he messed up my dresser. I told him A MILLION TIMES not to touch my stuff! It was like Kristallnacht, where the Nazis looted Jewish shops. He knocked over my perfume, and one of my earrings is missing! 

When the history of my family is written, my mom is gonna rank below Joseph Goebbels. He told the Nazis to stop at some point, she just sat there and watched a two-hour Grey’s Anatomy.

G2G–here comes Der Fuhrer now.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Diary—

Have you ever heard that poem “First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out, because I was not a communist.” The guy finds out if you don’t stick up for your friends, someday nobody will be there for you. I hope that’s how Courtney feels right now. Tommy Ladner was going to ask me to the prom, then Courtney broke up with Mike Delosier, now I’m stuck with a purple dress.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary:

Mom won’t let me go on spring break! Mom thinks we should go on one last family vacation before college. The four of us, crammed into hotels for the most important week of my life! Just because my idiot brother has to ride Space Mountain.

It reminds me of Anne Frank, cooped up for two years in an attic with her family. I’m glad I read her book, even though it was a bummer at the time. Because of it, I can handle real suffering.