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Getting Turned On In The Ozarks
by Tod Connor

Hold on, Elmer, what are you doing down there?

Now just relax, Lizzie.

You ain't plannin' on stickin' that thing in there, are you?

'Course, Lizzie. We've waited long enough, it's time to give this a try.

Weren't ya gonna ask me afore you just went ahead and did it?


'Cause it ain't safe. What if it gets stuck.

It won't get stuck. It's s'posed to go in there. I'll just slide it in nice 'n easy.

Oh yeah? And what if it don't fit, what then?

Don't be silly. I already spoke to Halliday and he says his fits fine.

Alright, Elmer, s'posin' I let you stick that in there and afore long you won't ever wanna do anything else. You'll be stickin' it in all the time.

No, Lizzie, I promise, I'll take it real slow and easy. We can just try it once a week for a time. And then, after you get used to it, we can increase our frequencies, as they say.

Well, I don't know, ain't you gonna prepare it in some way? Maybe grease it up so it goes in like it's s'posed to?

Naw, Halliday says you don't wanna go puttin' anything on there. That can cause some big problems. He's been doin' this for years. You trust him, don't you Lizzie?

Yeah, but he ain't here right now so if something goes wrong he won't be able to help us pull it out.

You worry too much. Just take a deep breath. There...

Oh, you were right, Elmer, that's real nice.

I told ya. That there plug lets us light up the whole room. We won't need no kerosene lamps no more, Lizzie. This here 'lectricity is the wave of the future.