Do or Die
hand, phone set to vibrate at regular intervals
to remind him to appear attentive, and a cheat
sheet of appropriate responses - Leonard was
ready to follow the tips to a romantic dinner
hed read about in his mens magazine.
Gloria was worth the effort, and according to her
ultimatum, this was a do or die occasion.
A week ago,
sailing into their fifth anniversary, his wife
had declared the romance had been squeezed out of
their relationship, which she had described as
kitchen rag only useful for cleaning the counter.
Where, Leonard wondered, did she dredge up these
womens magazine had suggested that when
things hit bottom a romantic dinner was in order.
Well go to Pavlovas restaurant and
talk about life.
Leonard had thought. There goes three months of
lottery tickets. And what was there to say
about life? Wisely, although Gloria insisted he
share his thoughts, Leonard decided not to share
in their Sunday best, his pants a bit tight and
her dress somewhat revealing, they were tucked in
a corner table at Pavlovas.
pretend were lovers on a first date.
he obliged, thinking a quick hand squeeze might
work well here.
how on an early date, chomping down on
Glorias great BBQ ribs, hed noticed
the handyman work that needed doing in her
apartment. While in the bathroom, hed tried
to fix the dripping toilet tank and cracked the
lid. Gloria had responded to his apology with a
And now their
toilet at home needed fixing.
us to share the spiritual experience of being
outdoors, Gloria said.
If they bought
a new toilet, they could get one that used less
travel, she said.
down at his cheat sheet. Just what
Ive been thinking.
toilets cost more? More importantly did they get
rid of number two?
on the Danube.
Where was the
Danube anyhow? Hed thought it was just the
name of some classical music.
want kids we have to decide soon, she
vibrated and he glanced at his cheat sheet.
Those were my thoughts, he said.
If new toilets
were expensive, hed get his friend Joe Rump
to fix the old one.
worried, Gloria said. What are you
He squinted to
read, How you look prettier than when I met
It was funny
that his plumber friend was named Rump.
to successappear attentive, read a line,
smilethe evening was a triumph. As they
toasted their anniversary over coffee, Gloria
flashed one of her chrome bumper smiles.
Lets head home to get this baby plan
Baby plan? Had
his missed something? If they had kids
theyd need a second bathroom. Instead of
sharing that thought, Leonard just pecked his
wifes cheek and used up his last line,
I loved our talk!