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Commuting With Gerda
by Jay Duret

I was driving to work with our new au pair. She had been in the country for two weeks but was already an authority on life in the U.S.

“Hey, Gerda,” I said, “that’s Laurel Hill cemetery. I think it is the oldest cemetery in Philadelphia. Probably one of the oldest in the country.”

“Do they have a time when they can get rid of them?”


“The dead people.”

“No. I don’t think so. Do they do that in Germany?”

“In Germany I think it is 20 years.”

“Really? They just get rid of them?

“Well, German land is very valuable.”

“I never heard of us doing that here.”
“After 20 years, the bodies are decomposed.”

“Yes, I would think so,” I said.

“Although I heard that there is a problem with that in America.”

“Really? What sort of problem?”

“People here eat too many conservatives.”


“They do, they eat so much conservatives that their bodies don’t decompose very well.”

“That’s good to know. I will have to remember that.”

“Oh, yeah. They’ll be around forever.”