Che vs. Fidel: A
Mulligan for the Maximum Leader
by Con Chapman
After Che Guevara beat him at
golf, Fidel Castro, a notoriously sore loser,
converted a golf course into an art school and
ordered a sports reporter fired.
The Wall Street Journal
GONZALEZ: Its the final round of the
Guiteres Sugar Championship and Juan, you could
cut the tension with a machete.
MACHADO: You can cut anything with a machetethats
how they chop sugar cane at Guiteres Sugar.
Guiteresthe sugar for you!
We dont do commercials. Were
As Maximum Leader Fidel Castro and long-time comandante
Ernesto Che Guevera approach the
18th tee theyre tied, but
Glorious Leader Castro has struggled.
Hes blasted his way out of sand traps with
his revolutionary innovation in club design, the
When he hit into the water on 16 he was so mad he
gave a three-hour speech blaming U.S. imperialism
for his hook.
Id love to be a frog to hear what these two
say to each other . . .
We can do that--the CIAs been listening to
them for years. Lets go to the tee.
You want to make this interesting?
Can the Comandante en Jefe hit without a
lot of stupid chatter?
I was thinking Bingo Bango Bongo.
First on the green is bingo, closest
to the hole is bango, and first to
hole out is bongo. It gives a weaker
player like you a chance to make some money.
I am not a weaker player! I am El
Even horses get the yips.
(Mutters) I never should have agreed to a crummy
five peso Nassau.
Talk is cheap, my friend.
While were young . . .
Pleasure doing business with you.
of worthless Cuban pesos changing hands)
Can I buy you a drink? Its the least I
Hereat the clubhouse.
There is no clubhouse. I hereby declare The
Course at the Links at the Woods . . .
Why do golf courses have such stupid names?
It is a relic of the Baptista regime. Out with
the fancy golf course, in with the Academia
Socialista de las Artes
An art school?
I am tired of drawing on my TV screen with Mr.
Learn-to-Draw, Jon Gnagy.
How about a cigar?
What I could really go for is . . .
Throwing a couple of poets into jail.
Regular or symbolist?
Im thinking a nice, fruity neo-Formalist.
Theyre all in prison. You could fire a
Thats the ticket!
How about one of those guys?
If you fire two, PEN International will be all
over you like mole sauce on a tamale.
All rightwhich one?
I say the one with the double-knit plaid blazer.