The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

Wild West Air
by David Harker

Mike climbed the steps and stood by the doorway, waiting for passengers in front to take their seats. Being thrifty he’d always been careful choosing airlines but this was his first time flying lo-cost Wild West. First impressions were very favourable; the 737 looked almost new, with the bucking Bronco logo proudly displayed on the tail fin.

As he stepped into the plane, the flight attendant fixed him with a huge beaming smile.

“Well good morning sir! My name is Becky-Sue and I’m gonna be looking after you during the flight! If you want anything at all just holler!”

As he settled into his fake cowhide seat, he smiled; he decided he really liked this “cowboy” outfit and he felt himself relax for the first time that day.

“Bing, Bong… Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome onboard Wild West Airlines. We’d like y'all to pay attention now, cos we’re gonna give you some inflight safety stuff that could be important.”

Mike peered down the aisle at Becky-Sue as she stood ready to deliver the safety instructions. He was idly thinking how fit she looked in her cow girl uniform when she looked straight at him, gave him another beaming smile and, unexpectedly, a little wink. He blushed like a school kid and saw her stifle a giggle, before starting her demonstration of seat belt and oxygen mask procedures.

A short while later, as the plane reached cruising altitude, the intercom clicked on again.

"Bing, Bong… Hey folks, My name is Randy and I’m gonna be your captain for today. Your co-pilot is Travis. We’d like to welcome y’all to Wild West flight 23, to Tombstone. We’re flying at our cruising altitude of 38,000 feet, the weather ahead is good and I’m anticipating a smooth and uneventful flight. So y’all just sit back and rela.. OH, MY GOD!"

The intercom clicked off. Everyone sat in stunned silence, tense, uncertain and terrified! The flight attendants exchanged looks and offered reassuring glances to the anxious passengers around them. At last the intercom clicked on again…

“Bing, Bong… Hey, I am real sorry if I scared you just then. I accidentally spilled a cup of steamin’ hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

"That's nothing mate... You should see the seat of mine", Mike said to no-one in particular, rapidly developing a dislike for this clown of a pilot. Becky-Sue, who had been just about to serve drinks at his row of seats, heard his guarded comment and burst out laughing; soon his pithy comment had spread throughout the cabin lightening the mood and dispelling any remaining tension.

Mike ordered his drink, took a sip, put the cup down then closed his eyes.

"Bing, Bong… Hey! This is your captain again. We’ve just started our descent into Tombstone. It’s about 95 degrees there with some broken clouds. We'll definitely try to have those clouds fixed before you notice.”

“Oh God, a joker…”, Mike muttered, “people like that really annoy me.”

“Thank you for riding Wild West, y’all come back soon you hear!”, Randy continued.

The rest of the flight passed in a flurry of activity, the safety belt signs came on, Becky-Sue collected cups and glasses, made sure the tables were stowed and the seats were “in the upright position”. Then, as they passed through cloud, the plane started to yaw and judder as a strong crosswind caught the aircraft and the captain struggled to hold her nose steady for the landing.

In the cockpit, the Captain could clearly be heard enjoying the ride, "Yeeeehaaaa!!” and then as the plane thumped onto the tarmac and was braking to a halt, "Whoa, little lady. WHOA!".

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Tombstone. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts securely fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate...”

As he gathered his hand luggage Mike decided that lo-cost was probably not for him.