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The Gentlemen Callers
by Chris Dean

The two men were very polite. They sat calmly in Virginia Blankenship's comfortable living room and sympathetically explained the situation. "You have to stop eating your cats," the tall one with the moustache said from the russet recliner. He even apologized, "I am sorry, but it simply will not do."

The other man had a ruddy face and small hazel eyes. He blinked frequently and now he blinked evenly at Virginia. His voice was soft. "They won't allow it anymore. We are sorry of course."

Virginia was more than a little put out. Not about the cats. She'd been eating her furry pets for so long that she was getting tired of it. But she had answered the door wearing nothing more than a smile and the two men seemed not at all interested in her womanly attributes. Not even her breasts, which was quite ridiculous. They were fine breasts and she'd never received anything but compliments about them.

The taller man coughed and said, "Please understand-"

"What about my breasts!" Virginia could contain herself no longer. "Are you at all aroused by my breasts? Either of you?"

The man on the couch looked embarrassed. "I hadn't noticed but those are your breasts, aren't they. Have they been there all this time?"

"If this is an attempt to dissuade us from stopping you from eating your cats, it will not work." The tall one stood. "Now I am sure they are fine breasts and all that, but we are here about the cats and nothing else."

Get out!" She was furious. "I want you to stop looking at my breasts right now and leave. The both of you."

The tall man grew angry too. "Now we told you we're here from the government and that makes this an official visit. I will be making a report."

"I said get out!"

Straightening his suit jacket, the man stormed out of the house. Virginia glared at the other one. "Are you staring at my breasts? I told you to stop looking at them."

The man's round faced flushed even redder. "They are very nice. I hadn't noticed, but . . .”

"Do you like them?" Virginia beamed.

"Why yes. May I call you Virginia?"

"Of course."

The man blinked thoughtfully. "What I would like to do, Virginia, is to take care of this nasty cat business and then perhaps we could discuss your breasts further."

Virginia giggled. "Don't worry about that. I rarely make cat anymore. Frankly I've just about had my fill of eating cats."

"What?" The man frowned. "If that's the case then I really should be leaving. I'm with the cat department you know." He rose to his feet. "It has been a pleasure seeing your breasts though."

Virginia became furious. "Then just leave. Stop looking at them and go!"

The man made a hasty exit. Virginia folded her arms over her breasts. She felt chilly. And maybe a little hungry too.