You are through to OffTtrust, the Greyfield Sites
regulatory body. Please listen carefully to the
Press one for Abbeys, Monasteries and Hermitages;
Press two for Castles, Keeps and Bunkers;
Press three for Stone Circles and Long Barrows;
Press four for Roman Villas, Walls and
Press five for Windmills, Barns and Follies. Or
please hold to speak to an advisor.
pressed 3 and listened to a recording of
The Lark Ascending. He was about to
hang up when the chirruping was interrupted.
and thank you for calling OffTrust. My name is
Colin. How may I help?'
about one of your ruins, said Jim.
of the edifice and its and location, sir?
There was a
slight pause, then: Its on my screen
now, sir. What seems to be the problem?
spoiling my view. Ive complained to the
council but theyve passed me on to you.
couple of security checks, sir. If you could
confirm your name and address.
Stanford, 673 Old Sarum Tower.
Petrificarum estate, built by Heritage View
Developers. And how may I help you today?
built it too close
said, they didn't allow enough space. When I look
out all I can see is a grey slab blocking the
light. Id like to get my hands on whoever
did the measuring.
673 Old Sarum Towers is one of the
affordable homes, I believe, sir.
right on a level with one of the cross-pieces. I
have to keep the lights on. Nothing grows on my
the other side, sir?
understand. Your complaint has been registered
and you should hear something within 28 working
not moving,' Jim said quickly, before Colin could
hang up. Make sure they know that. I need
to be near my daughter.
dont worry. It may be possible to modify
the edifice, sir.
alter Stonehenge? Are you sure?
Land decontamination and clearance costs millions
on the brownfield sites, so taking an arch or two
from Tintern Abbey or a few bricks out of
Hadrians Wall is cost-efficient.
about confiscating some of the land owned by the
toffs and royals instead? Compulsory purchase,
thatd release some building land.
make an onscreen note of your suggestion, sir. Is
there anything else I can help you with today?
there is one thing, yes. It happens every
solstice, regular as clockwork; we get thousands
of gawpers with cameras and old geezers in
nightgowns. I know its only twice a year,
but something needs to be done about it.
said Colin. Im afraid that comes under
Rites, Gatherings and Festivals.
Transferring you now, sir. Thank you for calling