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On Yer' Bike
by Michael Franklin

George was cycling from his home in Islington to visit the Southwark offices of the  SLUT Charity – Spoken Language Usage Treatments. He had taken a wrong turning somewhere, missed the bridge he wanted, and was wondering where he was, still on the north side of the river. 

Reason for his journey? He had found that, in advancing age, he often heard words wrong and was misunderstood. SLUT might be able to steer him in the right direction with some expert advice and help.

He  sensed that he should be heading west again and turned north away from Parliament Street to reverse his direction. Facing him immediately was a large double gate, and Police were everywhere. As he approached the gate, four constables stepped out in front of him – hands raised.

He dismounted – puzzled. One shouted at him: “Buzz off! Get out! You are not entitled to the Common's entry on a bike.”

George was offended. This was an impolite reception.  “Well – you do seem like a common sentry. Seems to me you are just a low ranker – keeping innocent people out of somewhere...”

One of the officers produced a truncheon and grabbed hum by the shoulder. “Describing us as low wankers is not permitted. Never come near here again!”

“It's daft!”

“Yes – it's staffed – the Prime Minister and many other politicians, And they need our presence.”

Surprise. “You give them presents?”

An inspector stepped forward: “Yes we do. We give them loyalty and unquestioned dedication. We understand their commands and we must be obedient to them. Allow yourself to understand – realize!  And it's at this gate that the Prime Minister get's in to do his work – joined by many others.”

George turned away politely. Nothing more to be said. Real lies described these officers perfectly – and politicians all get sin as soon as they are elected, usually fiddling their expenses and travelling everywhere first class.

They should all be Whipped.