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'Oldham? No - Burnham!'
by Michael Franklin

Looe in Cornwall is a very sweet place, but I never hear the word without thought wandering in a different direction. I can never think of Crawley without wondering whether they are all down on their knees, and Exeter folk are all on their way out apparently. But, when  travelling, we usually see these place names as a navigational message, rather than find ourselves diverted into alternative meanings. There are many odd town and village names around Britain - seventy plus certainly - but people in those localities simply see them as normal. Frequent familiar use ignores more basic meanings. Travellers passing through see the novelty and strangeness though. 

Most of us live in happy communities with names that please us and they cannot be swerved far in meaning, but there are lot of location labels that we probably would not want appear at the bottom of the mailing address sent to distant chums. I need to say that - without doubt - the selection below are occupied by kind and agreeable people. Good luck to them, but would you want to live there? Ingrave, PrattsBottom, Bugthorpe, Messingham, Swine, Ugley, Idless, Beer, Horsey, Angerton, Nobottle, Cacklestreet, Fowlend, Adversane, Hurtwell. KnapCorner, Titchfield, Craze, and Ladycross.

Doubtless you would be happier with Mountjoy, Plush, Warmwell, Blissford, Zeals, Soberton, Appley, Lovington, Cleverton, and MountPleasant. But some have meanings that could be offensive to a delicate mind of course: Crapstone, Poxwell, Piddlehinton, NorthPiddle, Pidley, Hurtmore, Titfield, Shallowbowells, Brownwilly, Beddingham, UpperDicker, and Prixford - to name but a few!

Some readers of this may not have got the point, so I have to Warnham. You need to Brighton up your cognitive skills. You Havant read it properly!