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Newsflash: Ralphie is Now BIG in Nepal!
by Ralphie A Burcke

Some days, I wonder why I bother any longer. Here I am, writing my fingers to the bone ('cause I ran out of pencils!) and hardly anyone bothers to read my stuff! What else can I do? I've even put up posters in Timbuktu!

But there is some good news for once, dear readers (Bert & Ernie!), for I have it on good authority that Ralphie is now BIG in Nepal. Really, ask any Nepali, if you don't believe me. They've even started naming their yaks after me. Although I'm not certain if this should be considered a great honour. As a matter of fact, I'm sooo BIG in Nepal that I could virtually run for president over there, but my ambition doesn't run that high, dear Nepalis!

At the latest census, the Nepali government recorded 24,7 citizens. The ,7 was on account of Misses Dupak being five months pregnant at the time. By the way, my congratulations to Misses Dupak and possibly even to Mister Dupak! So, out of this nationwide citizenry, 18 of them are now reading blogs on Ralphie's Portal. Imagine that! I've grown into an author of some repute...

My next goal in to conquer the readership of Greenland, which is practically a continent in and of itself. And I have heard that they have a population of about a hundred people, of which the majority are Inuit. But hey, one or two of them might have internet. You never know. I shall have to brush up on my kayaking and igloo-building skills. Finding a kayak here in Morocco could be doable, but I've heard that the igloo-building industry is in a bit of a slump over here. I shall have to see... Greenland, be warned, Ralphie is making his more!

I of course appraised my mate Dermott of this momentous news of my being BIG in Nepal and he came back with: "Really? And how about the United States?"

I asked: "The United what? What's that?"

He went: "You know, where Columbus went."

I said: "Did he? Did he make it back yet?"

After which he clipped me around the ear for some reason, the sod. He really doesn't get the BIG picture, does he!??

I even thought of composing a ditty. I might make it to number one on the charts in Micronesia and from there it's only a stepping-stone to Macronesia. What do you think, Bert & Ernie, Misses Dupak & co? Wouldn't that be a blast? Cheerio from the ever-more-famous Ralphieeeee!!!!