Newsflash:
Ralphie is Now BIG in Nepal!
by Ralphie A Burcke
Some days, I
wonder why I bother any longer. Here I am,
writing my fingers to the bone ('cause I ran out
of pencils!) and hardly anyone bothers to read my
stuff! What else can I do? I've even put up
posters in Timbuktu!
But there is
some good news for once, dear readers (Bert &
Ernie!), for I have it on good authority that
Ralphie is now BIG in Nepal. Really, ask any
Nepali, if you don't believe me. They've even
started naming their yaks after me. Although I'm
not certain if this should be considered a great
honour. As a matter of fact, I'm sooo BIG in
Nepal that I could virtually run for president
over there, but my ambition doesn't run that high,
dear Nepalis!
At the latest
census, the Nepali government recorded 24,7
citizens. The ,7 was on account of Misses Dupak
being five months pregnant at the time. By the
way, my congratulations to Misses Dupak and
possibly even to Mister Dupak! So, out of this
nationwide citizenry, 18 of them are now reading
blogs on Ralphie's Portal. Imagine that! I've
grown into an author of some repute...
My next goal
in to conquer the readership of Greenland, which
is practically a continent in and of itself. And
I have heard that they have a population of about
a hundred people, of which the majority are Inuit.
But hey, one or two of them might have internet.
You never know. I shall have to brush up on my
kayaking and igloo-building skills. Finding a
kayak here in Morocco could be doable, but I've
heard that the igloo-building industry is in a
bit of a slump over here. I shall have to see...
Greenland, be warned, Ralphie is making his more!
I of course
appraised my mate Dermott of this momentous news
of my being BIG in Nepal and he came back with:
"Really? And how about the United States?"
I asked:
"The United what? What's that?"
He went:
"You know, where Columbus went."
I said: "Did
he? Did he make it back yet?"
After which he
clipped me around the ear for some reason, the
sod. He really doesn't get the BIG picture, does
he!??
I even thought
of composing a ditty. I might make it to number
one on the charts in Micronesia and from there it's
only a stepping-stone to Macronesia. What do you
think, Bert & Ernie, Misses Dupak & co?
Wouldn't that be a blast? Cheerio from the ever-more-famous
Ralphieeeee!!!!
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