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News Bulletin: Half Brothers Re-united
by Tom Speropulos

Worlds collided yesterday when scientists discovered, using other- world DNA tests, that former NBA Star Reggie Miller is the half brother to Star Trek's Feranghi actor.

The test results were uncovered by a reporter using the Freedom of Information Act allowing him to secure their birth certificates. The curious journalist learned that both parties have the same father, from another planet, but different mothers.

Moreover, the in depth expose revealed that there were two separate reports of UFO sightings and alien abductions EXACTLY nine months prior to the births of each child. Scientists calculate the odds of this being a coincidence are 50-50; however, this didn’t deter the erstwhile journalist from digging further into the muck of this tale.

During an interview, one of the mothers confessed stating, “I was on my way home from Bill's Pony-up & Ride bar and Grill when I saw this circular, flashing light in the sky”. She made it home safely but relates, “As I was preparing for bed I was drawn to a light outside my window and was suddenly sucked up into space and inside an alien craft”. She added the ship resembled a very large Hoover vacuum cleaner. However, once on aboard, she was forced to listen to reruns of the Glenn Beck show until she passed out.

Past that, she asserts, she doesn’t recall much. However, she admits she was probed, basted, and marinated; after which she was returned home to steep for 8 hours. When she woke up, she noticed there was the faint aroma of olive oil on her.

Following her experience, she claims she had no idea she was pregnant, or so fertile since she was a devout Lutheran.

"I thought I just had gas and then Reggie was born…”.

The families finally connected and talked together about their experiences during a half court pick-up game that Reggie suggested as a bonding tool. Unfortunately, an argument ensued over a referee’s call and both their moms received technical fouls and were ejected, thus ending the reunion. However, there is talk of a book and a movie deal. The working title at this point is Star Trek, The Creepy Generation.