News Bulletin:
Half Brothers Re-united
by Tom
Speropulos
Worlds
collided yesterday when scientists discovered,
using other- world DNA tests, that former NBA
Star Reggie Miller is the half brother to Star
Trek's Feranghi actor.
The test
results were uncovered by a reporter using the
Freedom of Information Act allowing him to secure
their birth certificates. The curious journalist
learned that both parties have the same father,
from another planet, but different mothers.
Moreover, the
in depth expose revealed that there were two
separate reports of UFO sightings and alien
abductions EXACTLY nine months prior to the
births of each child. Scientists calculate the
odds of this being a coincidence are 50-50;
however, this didn’t deter the erstwhile
journalist from digging further into the muck of
this tale.
During an
interview, one of the mothers confessed stating,
“I was on my way home from Bill's Pony-up
& Ride bar and Grill when I saw this circular,
flashing light in the sky”. She made it home
safely but relates, “As I was preparing for
bed I was drawn to a light outside my window and
was suddenly sucked up into space and inside an
alien craft”. She added the ship resembled a
very large Hoover vacuum cleaner. However, once
on aboard, she was forced to listen to reruns of
the Glenn Beck show until she passed out.
Past that, she
asserts, she doesn’t recall much. However,
she admits she was probed, basted, and marinated;
after which she was returned home to steep for 8
hours. When she woke up, she noticed there was
the faint aroma of olive oil on her.
Following her
experience, she claims she had no idea she was
pregnant, or so fertile since she was a devout
Lutheran.
"I
thought I just had gas and then Reggie was born…”.
The families
finally connected and talked together about their
experiences during a half court pick-up game that
Reggie suggested as a bonding tool. Unfortunately,
an argument ensued over a referee’s call and
both their moms received technical fouls and were
ejected, thus ending the reunion. However, there
is talk of a book and a movie deal. The working
title at this point is Star Trek, The Creepy
Generation.
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