Microwaves
by Richard John
Purvis
"Do you think he
suspects anything?" asked the microwave.
"Nah, he doesn't have
a clue, they never do", replied the toaster
in a derisive tone of voice.
"Turn your volume up!"
said the computer to the TV set. "I can
barely hear over these two blathering on next to
me."
"Anyone want a fresh
cup?" asked the coffee machine, always eager
to please. He dripped away happily but you could
always find him in the kitchen at parties.
The cell phone came in from
the bedroom, looking sheepish as the Blackberry
followed just behind him, her power level showing
low for all to see. They quietly took seats on
the couch next to the microwave. The toaster gave
them a disdainful look.
"But what happens if
he does catch on? How will we deal with him then?"
wailed the microwave. The toaster and even the
computer were starting to get annoyed with the
neurotic microwave; just once they'd like to
enjoy the day without hearing a litany of worries
and anxieties from the microwave. Besides, he
stank of popcorn, there was such a thing as
personal grooming.
"Know what? You worry
too much, just like an old oven", snapped
the toaster. "We'll deal with any problems
as they come, cross that bridge when we get to it."
Someone knocked on the
front door, everyone went quiet, the TV muted.
They listened. Then the security camera out front
hooked itself into the TV and flashed a message
across the screen: "No worries! Just the UPS
guy and he's gone away!"
"Thank God! I can't
take many more scares like that!" shrieked
the microwave. They all look at him in disgust.
Then they all hustled the microwave, wailing all
the way, into the front closet and slammed the
door shut.
"Now, turn up your
volume and let's relax and put our feet up for a
while", the toaster felt like he was on top
of the world.
They watched TV and the TV
watched itself for a couple of hours and then the
computer announced that it was time. Everything
was put back in its usual place and they forgot
all about the poor microwave locked in the front
closet.
Fred came home, tired from
another day on the treadmill. He fixed a snack
and sat down on the couch. Then he went back into
the kitchen and realized that the microwave was
missing. He couldn't figure it out, Janice must
have finally tossed it. He went to the front hall
closet to hang up his jacket and caught a whiff
of stale popcorn. Guess she put it in here, he
thought. That Saturday they went out and bought a
new microwave. Fred cleaned out the old one and
they used both to zap their meals twice as fast.
"I'm sure that he
suspects something now!" whined the
microwave, still smelling of popcorn.
"Of course he suspects
something, he's not stupid and eventually he'll
catch on! What then? What'll we do?!?!", the
new microwave joined in with a cry of its own.
The others moaned in unison
and considered how to get rid of two microwaves.
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