Kennedy and Me
by Alun Williams
I was drinking
beer in a bar Id never been to before, on
the South side of a small town, the name of which
It was early and I was the only customer. I like
to drink my beer in silence.
They think Im dead, you know.
I looked up from my drink. The guy who spoke was
the barkeep. He stood behind the bar looking
furtive while drying a glass so hard he couldve
drilled a hole in it.
Guess you dont know who I am, do you?
I looked at him and shook my head.
No but Id hesitate to guess youre
the guy serving drinks. I said.
He held out a fat hand. I hesitated to take it
but relented. It was cold but clammy to the touch.
He leaned forward.
Im John Fitzgerald Kennedy. JFK. Call
me Jack. You think Im dead, dont you?
I looked him in the eye.
I think I saw you shot, Jack, I
remarked, but your head seems remarkably
Its what they all want you to think.
He looked around the almost empty bar. Oswald
shot out my brain but they gave me another.
I looked him over.
You dont look like Kennedy, I
remarked. and is that accent Canadian?
It was a Canadians brain. He
He rubbed another glass with the same intensity
as the first.
They did some plastic surgery.
They did a good job. I said. I
cant see the scars. Tell me, why didnt
you get the Presidency back? People loved you.
They couldnt have a Canadian in the
White House, could they. Its
unconstitutional. I should know.
Again, I concurred.
Assassinations a damn crime but that
would be insane.
I paid for my drink and thanked the President.
That was one of my favourites. He said
pointing to the book. French Machiavelli.
Darn good read.
I looked at him.
What about Jackie? I asked. What
did she have to say about it? I mean didnt
she marry some Greek guy.
Hoover never told her. That was one of the
conditions of saving my life. He told me that I
had to disappear forever.
Bobbys alive. Hes a fisherman
in Portland. Theres a photo. He
pointed to a monochrome photo on the wall of a
black guy posing with large fish.
Never thought youd get a tan that
good in Portland.
Hell, I never knew he like fishing that
I stood up.
Jack, Im not sure you
are the President. I said. It sounds
dont know, implausible.
He picked up my empty glass.
Ill prove it to you, mister. He
called out back. Baby, come here!
He gripped my arm and chuckled. You aint
never gonna believe this, mister.
A small, dark haired Mexican woman came from out
What you want?
Marilyn Monroe. The barkeep said in
all seriousness. Bet you thought she was