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I am the writer; I speak for the programmers
(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

by Jerry Guarino

Has anyone else noticed the phenomenon of clicking on the wrong application when using a mouse? This happens most often when you start your computer and multiple applications are loading. It also happens on websites where advertising or alerts are popping up when all you want to do is begin a task. Because you are a savvy tech user, you anticipate where on the screen you will be clicking next. But instead of the satisfaction that comes with being able to increase your efficiency through learning how to navigate, you are thwarted from accomplishing your task. I am the writer; I speak for the programmers.

Here are a couple of examples. You open a website and a pop up appears simultaneously, asking if you want to join their mailing list or advertising a deal or asking to complete some annoying survey. You immediately run your mouse to the ‘X’ or ‘NO’ mark, but just before you press the left key on your mouse, one of four things happens: 1) the pop up disappears and your left click closes the website you just opened or 2) closing the pop up generates another pop up asking “if you are sure you don’t want to join their mailing list or get a deal or complete a survey” or 3) the screen shifts so that your click does not close the pop, but moves it slightly, negating the right and good efficiency your mind has programmed or 4) closing the pop up also selects something on the website you didn’t want to do, extending the time it takes to get where you want to go. I am the writer; I speak for the programmers.

Now technology is not the problem. The problem is marketing people who set up these roadblocks to productivity. If it were up to programmers, applications and websites would be clean, efficient and pop up free. They would be designed for speed and place selection buttons in the most convenient place on the screen (the center right of the display for most people). Moreover, generating code for all these pop ups and sub routines creates an excess of bytes floating around the electronic world. The Internet is large enough without the exponential addition of bytes that not only don’t serve a useful purpose, but also actually make life more frustration and time consuming for the average computer user. We blame the programmers because who else could have designed it this way. I am the writer; I speak for the programmers.

Ah, but you say, there’s an easy solution to this. Disable pop ups on your browser or application. But there are some programs and websites that don’t work if you do that. Well, maybe you can contact the developers of those programs and ask how you can enable pop ups for their application. ? Oops, I forgot that you wouldn’t know which programs aren’t working perfectly, because the programmers are too busy coding the unnecessary desires of the marketing people to properly add more elegant design that would notify you if pop ups were required. I am the writer; I speak for the programmers.

If this isn’t stopped soon, there will be so many millions of extra bytes floating around, the virtual equivalent to a hole in the ozone, that they may get together and form a virtual union or some exclusive club. The time is now. These bytes are already planning their takeover of the virtual world. They have already taken over the online pornography sites, where closing a pop up generates more pop ups. Even now as I write this, they are moving through firewalls to attack mainstream programs. We are all doomed. Unless!