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Go To Sleep
by Justine M. Dunn

My girlfriend Vicky had been talking crap most of the night, too much booze. She’d fallen asleep for a couple of hours earlier so now, at 2.00am, as we got into bed, she was wide awake. I, on the other hand, was knackered.

“What would you do if a crocodile came in the room now?” she asked.

“Throw the quilt over it and get out.”

“What about a polar bear?”

“Look for a zip, they just have a man inside.”


“Find some bamboo.”

“How about a shark?”

“Punch it in the eye.”


“Tell it I want its horn, it will leave by itself.”


“Pretend I couldn’t see it.”


“Give it a fag.”


“Tell it there’s a fox coming.”

“A fox?”

“Say there’s a wolf coming.”

“A wolf?”

“God, I don’t know... tell it a photographer's on their way and wants to put its picture on a shitty t-shirt.”

“A cat?”

“What, my cat?”

“You haven’t got a cat.”

“I know.”

“So what if someone elses cat walked in?”

“Depends whose it was.”


“Just does, don’t want any old stray cat coming in here.”

“Stray cat strut.”  She started laughing unnecessarily loudly, I saw nothing funny. “What about a dog?” She asked, still with laughter in her voice.

“Look, I don’t want a dog to walk in, alright?”

“But all those other animals walking in is ok?”


“Even the shark?”

“Yes! Now go to sleep.”



“I love our chats.”
“Yeah, me too.” I lied.

“What now?”

“Sharks can’t walk.”