A Well Shaped
by Julie Lye
I walked, well
tripped down the lane. I needed to get in shape,
what shape I couldnt say, but any kind of
shape would be good.
bought new boots for falling in, new trousers for
muddying, a rucksack for my water and sandwiches
and a coat with many pockets for stashing my
numerous emergency supplies.
My path was
blocked by a gate, which I opted to climb over,
mid leg-over, the gate swung open with me
disentangling myself from the gate, I looked at
my roughly drawn map, Id turned it all of
360° before I was satisfied I knew where
So where was I?
If I walked a half mile to the left I would reach
a stream which I could cross quite easily,
whereas if I went right for a quarter mile
Id reach a stile into another field which
would lead me, after a much longer trek,
eventually to the same stream.
needed to be made so I raided my emergency
This walk was
going to do me the world of good, just think how
many calories Id burnt off already,
Id soon be in good shape. I reached in my
pocket for another bar of chocolate.
Half a mile
later I came across the stream marked on the map.
I gave my best run up and jumped, then slid
backwards bottom first. Typical! Well I
wasnt going back so I gave it another shot
but this time launched myself in a
Tigger springing action and was
surprised to find it worked and I was now on the
other side of the stream.
bottom was all wet and muddy. I found a tree
stump and placed myself precariously upon it with
my rear-end facing the sun as I ate my picnic
lunch. An hour passed and my bottom felt a little
dryer and my spirits were raised (of course
Id had to prevail upon my emergency
Soon I came
across a stile which I easily climbed over. It
brought me out onto a path which had been well
trodden. Thirty minutes later the path became
smaller and overgrown. Brambles began to claw at
my arms and legs, and bracken and sticky ferns
clung to me. My hat was snatched away and my hair
pulled and teased as I struggled to push through.
I knew there was a road nearby, Id heard
the traffic. I plodded on and as I did my foot
found, or should I say my boot slipped into a
huge cow pat! My boot stuck fast, so I
loosened the laces, pulled my foot out and
scrambled through onto the verge.
I had run out
of water and what was left of my emergency
supplies had melted into an inedible mess. My
bottom hurt, I was hot, tired, thirsty, covered
in brambles, with tangled hair and I stank of cow
definitely not the good shape I had