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At the Elventh Hour
by David Harker

“Come on Phil! It’ll be great fun – You’ll really enjoy it!”

Jan had been trying for a week now to persuade him that tonight’s office fancy dress party would be fun. Never the most outgoing of folks, Phil had finally agreed to go.

“OK! OK! You win! We’ll go!” he smiled indulgently.

“What’s the theme anyway? Please tell me it’s not Tarts and Vicars, or even worse Rocky Horror Picture Show? Wearing stockings with legs like these is bloody agony. Nylons and these leg hairs together can generate enough static to power a small city!”

Jan giggled mischievously and smothered him in a huge hug.

“Oooo thank you! You’re quite safe – Joe is a big Lord of the Rings fan and I heard from Sally that she was sure the costumes had to be themed on Tolkein”.

With that small victory, she ran to the wardrobe and produced two large brown cardboard boxes and dropped them on the bed. Opening the larger of the two, she enthusiastically stripped to her underwear. Phil laughed and raised an appreciative eyebrow.

“Well that’s certainly one benefit… now where’s my costume?”

“In there Phil, you’ll look just gorgeous” smiled Jan as she pushed the smaller box Phil’s way.

“Come on you, get your kit off or we’re going to be late!”

An hour later, with Phil pulling uncomfortably at the gusset of his green tights, a beautiful Elven maiden and her slightly plump and misshapen Elf warrior climbed into the car and set off.

“I don’t care what happens Jan, if we get stopped by the police I promise you I’m doing a runner!”

Jan just burst out laughing.

“You? Running through Frankwell dressed like that? I think you’d be safer in police hands!”

Phil smiled self-consciously as they arrived at the hotel and walked through reception to the hotel function room. As he stepped through the door, it took him just a moment to realise something wasn’t right. Maybe it was the abundance of white rhinestone jump suits? Or maybe it was the sideburns and sunglasses?

“Oh crap! It’s not Elves… it’s bloody ELVIS!”