There's Only One
Mother Teresa
by Rebecca Burke
So do we all
need to be constantly vying to take over the
dearly departed nun's job? That's what magazines
and self-help diet gurus strive to make us
believe. Here are some classic examples in the
saintly eating habits we should ALL be adopting!
Chew
Food 20 Times:
So we should
all sit and chew each mouthful 20 times. That way
you will savour the congealed mush more and not
overeat. That’s because you will be vomiting
after having to hold wet sludge like morsels
between your cheeks like a hamster on steroids.
Also we should
NEVER eat in front of the TV! If we do apparently
we don't concentrate on the process of eating.
Err sorry...process of eating? I don't need to
concentrate on shoving food in my mouth, it goes
in and comes out the other side - elementary dear
Watson! Yes it's nice to sit with family and talk,
but we don't need our family values dictated by
some skinny minnie who wishes to stare at her
husband over dinner while gingerly nibbling on a
lettuce leaf - good luck hun!
Replace
Coffee With Green Tea:
What is Green
Tea exactly? It looks like stomach bile to be
frank. Or loo cleaner. Oh but you mustn’t
have coffee far too unhealthy. You must not rely
on caffeine to wake you up every morning. Well no
that’s assuming you sleep like a baby every
night, some of us don't. So when I emerge groggy,
tired and feeling like cack am I expected to
continue the entire day in the same vein? Sod
that! What's the harm in one cup of coffee? It
makes me feel human, and avoids any murderous
tendencies lack of sleep tends to give me.
Chocolate:
Apparently one
square of chocolate is good for you. I'm not
doubting that I am just questioning the
presumption that we all possess rigid self-discipline
and are able to stop after just one square. I
would have to get the bar the square came from
and hide it in an underground vault or mummify it
so that my greasy mitts can't go back for more! I
have never broken off a "square" of
chocolate in my life!
I am so fed up of these so called experts who
presume there is one general rule for dieting one
way of eating that is universal to all and we
should all adhere to it. Failure to adhere to it
somehow makes us rebels and if we skip breakfast
or eat past 8pm we should go sit in the naughty
corner. Listen I eat when I want to - I am not
going to watch the clock and say "Right that's
it now 8pm curfew has arrived nil by mouth now!"
We all have different bodies and different
processes when it comes to eating and losing
weight. Stick that in your bowl of Special K and
smoke it!
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