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The Poetry Guild
(dedicated to vanity publishers everywhere)
by Rebecca Burke

The Poetry Guild have written once more
Their letters are becoming quite a bore
Praising my undoubted skill and talent
Their quest for cash is oh so apparent

Congratulations! I'm in their book
For my hard work I get to have a look
The Poetry Guild write such personal letters
Directly to me? A child could lie better!

Rambling on about a showcase edition
With all the honesty of a salesman's rendition
My own treasured book, cause for celebration
Of course this requires a sizeable donation

Order forms and reservations it's all becoming quite manic
The price is being lowered due to rising panic
"If I'm not completely satisfied" wait I've heard this before
From many a catalogue advertisement and more

If I was that good, you'd pay me for my work
Paying to get published makes me look the berk
Instead of commercialising a person's enjoyment
Why not leave your offices - look for proper employment!

I've banished your offer to a dark black yawning hole
May God one day have mercy on your soul!