Smart Phone Apps
Women Really Need
by Roz Warren
and Janet Golden
first appeared in The
smart phone apps to help us with everything from
staying on our diets to learning French. And theyre
useful as far as they go. But they dont go
nearly far enough. Here are a few more apps we
gals could really use:
Just aim your phone at the dirty socks under the
bed and they are airborne and into the laundry
hamper in no time. Perfect for moms with
Direct it at anybody gabbing on a cell in public
and it replaces their blather with your choice of
soothing nature sounds. Replace that lawyer
negotiating a lease at top volume with a gently
Time Machine: Point it at the TV and the
game will start an hour before scheduled so you
can go to bed at your usual time without being
startled awake by screams and howls from the TV
My Space, Pal: Point it at the driver
about to take the parking space you had your eye
on and hell drive on by.
of Auto Invisibility: Makes your car
invisible to anyone authorized to write tickets.
Hot in Here?: Lowers any thermostat in
the vicinity ten degrees. A godsend for the
Eliminator: Point it at a cupcake and it
removes all the calories. Eating candy is the
same as eating celery! Gender Gap Eliminator:
Point it at a male co-worker and your next
paycheck will match his.
Sarcasm Silencer: Point it at your child
and it changes anything sarcastic hes about
to say to I love you, Mom. It also
stops teenage eye-rolling.
Minder: Turns the hip hop blaring from
your teens room into Bach harpsichord
Chore Motivator: Point it at your kid
and hell put down whatever electronic gizmo
hes currently addicted to and ask if he can
take out the garbage.
Up: Zaps anyone under 40 who beings a
sentence with You might be too old to
Buster: Silences public radio during
Franco: Sends you poetry, novels,
paintings and movies by James Franco.
Turns off electronic media whenever Charlie Sheen
threatens to be seen, heard or spoken of.
Adjuster: Aim it at your local
congressperson at the next political event you
attend and shell introduce a bill to cut
the defense budget and spend the money saved on
health, education and peace.
Creates a sense of empathy in squabbling toddlers.
Cleans those hairs out of the drain, including
the ones that arent yours and that should
have been cleaned by the last person using the
Alerts you to all shoe sales within 10, 20 or 30
mile radius. Because you can never have enough.
Toes: Point it at your feet. Instant
Wrong: Point it at your partner during
your next argument and hell admit you were
right all along. About everything.
Redirect: Tired of your spouse
downloading pornography? Rickrolls his browser to
animated clips of Bugs Bunny in a tutu.
Locates foolproof hiding place for your chocolate
to prevent family members from finding and
Reveals where family members have hidden THEIR
Magic: Eliminates gore, explosions and
car chases from any movie.
Go: Eliminates Woody Allen from any
Point it at your tax return before filing and the
IRS will insist on giving YOU money.
Zap: Press twice and your phone bill for
the month will be erased and all your apps
Takes you to the WVFC homepage.
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