by Roz Warren
A man who is
sexually attracted to playground equipment was
recently banned from any location with a
slide after being caught having sex with
Johnson, 46, was described by the newspaper who
reported this item as having a powerful
fetish for childrens playground equipment.
noted that this was his second slide-related
pervert was arrested when four people called the
cops after witnessing him interacting in a
lascivious way with the slide.
So much for
that pleasant little picnic at the local park.
When this news
hit the internet, this poor tortured souls
plight was met with sympathy and understanding.
Ha ha, Im kidding! The Comments section
quickly filled with mocking remarks by the usual
slide into deviancy was costly.
if having to go through the justice system merry-go-round
turned him on.
poor dudes life. Is it just slides? Does
his fetish also include climbing walls? Monkey
bars? And how does a fetish like this even get
started? He got seduced by a deviant see-saw
as a kid? A lascivious swing set came on to him?
consulted with a psychoanalyst of my acquaintance,
who said, Please keep me out of this.
perversion actually a thing? If I Google research
sex with slides will I turn up
playground equipment fetish support groups? Meet-up
gatherings made up of playground pervs who hit
the park together under cover of darkness to make
whoopee with the monkey bars? People seeking
partners with a similar fetish? (Its
your turn to dress up as the riding Frog!)
the takeaway here? Well if youre the mother
of small children, its just one more thing
to worry about when you take the kiddos to the
playground. Beyond that, its a
reminder to all of us, once again, that you cant
begin to imagine what people are capable of.
Which is to
say that if you can imagine it, theres
somebody out there who wants to fuck it.
Is there porn
for people who get turned on by playground
equipment? And if so, what does it look like?
On second thought, I dont want to go there.
But if youre braver than I am, reader, feel
free to check it out and tell me all about it in
the Comments section.