Sex, Lies and
by Roz Warren
I just got an
email from a British website telling me they
couldnt ship me the porn Id ordered
because they were unable to verify my credit card
information. My smut would be on its way, they
assured me, the moment I got back to them with a
valid credit card. A copy of the order was
included. Someone using my email address had
ordered a dozen DVDs about bad busty
girls to be shipped to me. At
an address in England.
The idea that
someone out there is claiming to be me is
unpleasant enough. But their claiming to be a
porn-craving Roz Warren is extra creepy. Why
couldnt they be trying to purchase
Masterpiece Theatre DVDs? Or gourmet cat food?
What about making a generous donation to Planned
Parenthood? I could almost get behind a crook who
stole my identity in order to make the large
charitable donations Im too frugal to make
But bad busty
girls? Give me a break.
Years ago, my
mothers wallet was stolen. Moms evil
twin took her credit cards to the airport
and proceeded to circle the globe, staying at
lavish resort hotels and eating gourmet meals.
Knowing she didnt have to pay for any of it,
my mother, a frugal suburban housewife, got a
kick out of reading the monthly statements
describing her fabulous new life of
luxury world travel. Thats the silver
lining of identity theft -- it reminds you
theres more than one way to live your life.
Did knowing that her Evil Twin was following her
bliss inspire Mom to live it up a little herself?
You bet it did! Thinking of her doppelganger
sipping champagne on the Riveria made it a little
easier for Mom to splurge on a new dress, or
treat her pals to lunch. Sure, shed have to
pay the piper herself, but why let her Evil Twin
have all the fun?
what makes Fake Roz so disappointing. No jet-setter
wannabe, shes just another porn-seeking
perv. Theres no way her choices are
going to challenge me to expand my horizons.
At least, I
certainly hope not.
replaced my credit card, put a fraud alert on my
credit report and asked the porn site to cancel
the busty gals. Ive also mailed a copy of
feminist scholar Andrea Dworkins book
Pornography to Fake Roz at that
address in England. Shell eagerly open the
package, expecting bad girls with big boobs.
Instead shell get an angry woman with a big
Suck on that,