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Litter Bugs
by Linda Garnett

The Emperor of Earth bit into his slice of pizza and was beamed aboard an alien space craft.

"Where the hell am I and who are you?" asked the Emperor.

"Welcome aboard my ship. I'm Tweep, from the Inter-Galactic Safe Orbit Commission."

"Never heard of it. I demand you return me to my Palace or I'll have my security team take you out!"

"Not likely. They're taking a long nap while we conduct some business."

"What business?"  

"It has come to our attention that Earth's continual dumping of its space junk has created a travel hazard in this solar system. We're here to remedy the situation."  

"Great! We've been wanting to get rid of that annoying junk for centuries. It's been degrading our satellite communications lately and --"

"You don't understand; you're being cited for littering," said Tweep. He opened a well-worn book on his console. "It says here in the Inter-Galactic Law book, that littering of a planet's orbit is strictly prohibited. Violators will be cited and will remove said litter in 24 hours. Non-compliance will result in planet re-assignment."

"What? That's ridiculous! We can't remove our space junk that fast. We don't even know how to!"

"I suggest you call Orbit Junk-Be-Gone and see if they can handle rush jobs."

"I'm the Emperor of Earth! I don't have to obey you or some weird space law I've never heard of!"

"I will have to issue you another citation for annoying behavior."

"How about I kick you and your law book out of the solar system?"

"I would strongly advise against that action."    

The Emperor lunged for Tweep's neck and was beamed into the Palace swimming pool.  

Tweep returned 24 hours later and called the Commission's Polluter Removers. A space ship with an enormous vacuum appeared and quickly sucked up Earth and its junk.

The ship's manager checked his work schedule. "Okay boys, our next stop is The Milky Way. The visitors' space station is buried in candy bar wrappers again."