by Amanda LaPera
A tall, lanky
blonde-haired fellow saunters forth. He
approaches the bailiff, a gray-headed man with a
taste for good food.
Jebediah Moses Christian?
Im Jewish. Jeb jokes, attempting to
lighten the mood.
wont tell. He winks.
pauses for a moment and lowers his voice.
We break for lunch at noon.
that mean I win my case?
scowls at the unsavory selection in uniform.
Ill wait and take my chances with the
loss. The bailiff shrugs his shoulders and
continues to check off names.
Jeb rests back
in a chair, enthralled by the cases before him;
its like free entertainment. If only he had
a bag of popcorn.
like this, yo honor. Me and Jaz here, we
was just hanging out at the park, ya know,
minding our own business and shit.
Jeb raises his
eyebrows and watches the judges reaction.
The judge appears amused and allows the defendant
and then a cop comes up and starts accusing us of
shit. He aint got nothing on me.
find a couple of ounces on your person.
well about that. I aint no dealer, ya
know. My homie, damn clown, had me holdin
on to his shit, while he was playing some hoops.
passes by before Jebs case is called. He
struts up to the defendants table and rests
his hands on his hips. The judge announces the
charges against Jeb and stares at him expectantly.
Jeb shifts his
weight and runs his hand through his hair. He
recites his lines. It was really a big
misunderstanding, your honor. As I was leaving
work that day
where do you work?
asks, Isnt that a gay strip club?
your honor. And its a classy joint,
he wants to add, but decides not to. So, as
I was leaving work, I was tired from a long shaft,
I mean shift. He blushes. I was going
to go meet my BFF, you know, best female friend,
for dinner. I swear I had no idea that my fly was
down. Then I passed by the coffee shop, when
through the window, I saw that cute barista wink
at me from behind the counter. Naturally, my body
reacted. A few women were walking across the
cross-walk right in front of me. So, bam, they
scream, and Im here being charged with
indecent exposure. The court room falls
bites her lip. Alright, Jebediah. Ill
throw this out, but you really need to be more
Oh my gosh, thank you so much, your honor.
After he picks
up his court paperwork from the bailiff and heads
out into the hallway, he notices a post-it note
from the bailiff who had scribbled his number and
wrote: Call me if youre ever in another
bind. Beneath that was a photo labeled as
evidence. Apparently, a witness shot it from a
cell phone camera.
Now he knows what he will tip that barista
As the cop arrests him, Jeb reconsiders the
bailiffs offer; after all, he did have a