anecdotes, boring innocent people to
Causing mass slumber and perpetual misery
with every breath
Hogging the limelight like it's your God
Yet your so called captive audience knows
you're talking shite.
So you've travelled
extensively then go and write a book!
We don't want a blow by blow account of
your expeditions Captain Cook!
You've returned from your holiday yes we
would like to see a few pics
But five and a half hours later you've
got on our bloody wicks!
We don't care about
the history of the place no matter how
Was it hot? Did it have a private beach
and were the drinks all inclusive?
If we wanted to read up on that country
we would of bought a Rough Guide!
So stop spouting bewildering place names
and talking out of your backside!
Next time you
embark on an unannounced visit and our
house is all dark
If you think we've gone away for the
weekend, come closer now hark..
For you will hear the faint whisperings
of panic and fear
Mutterings of "Sssh! keep your head
down that crashing bores here!"
When others tell of
successes you sulk like a child
Spitting your dummy out the pram, visibly
For surely you were born to be the only
one who mattered
Expecting to be waited on, adored, looked
up to and flattered
everything you bellow is interesting, and
No-one can actually remember anything
interesting you've ever said
We switch off when you talk, focus on
random objects in the room
Occasionally coming to in response to a
sudden questioning boom
"Did you hear
what I said!?" I tried not to as it's
Any chance of me having an enjoyable time
is now void and null
Being held hostage in your conversations
I would rather do origami
Each time you start a sentence it feels
like running away from a Tsunami!
So next time you
open your mouth in your usual self
Think of others' suffering - don't be
such a spanner
Be aware that your every word, every
boast is starting to grate
If you haven't got anything worthwhile to
say put a sock in it mate!