Flavor Of The
Month
by Roz Warren
and Janet Golden
Dear Ben and
Jerry:
When you recently named a new flavor
“Schweddy Balls,” after a popular
Saturday Night Live sketch, you thought you were
having some harmless fun. But the members of
Onemillionmoms aren’t laughing. In a world
filled with war, famine, endemic poverty and
economic woe, what this organization has chosen
to get all riled up about is -- vulgar ice
cream names. They aren’t calling for their
members to write the President about ending
poverty or to Congress about stopping global
warming. Instead, they‘re calling for
immediate and decisive action against Ben and
Jerry.
We’re two
moms and we’re writing to say thanks! Thank
you for diverting the energy, attention and
effort of these idiots away from genuine
political action (where they might do some actual
damage) and toward something as trivial as ice
cream flavors. To further divert their attention,
we’ve come up with our own list of ice cream
flavors sure to offend those folks. Why not add a
few to your product line? Let’s see what
happens when the million moms put these flavors
in their cones:
Chaz Bono
Banana Bonanza
Bert and Ernie Prenup with Nuts
Im-Peach Clarence Thomas
Darwinian Delight
Tax the Millionaires Mango
Separate Church and State Swirl
Single Payer Praline
LGBT Nuts and Cherries
Rick Perry’s Got A Little Popsicle
Elizabeth Warren Pro Consumer Crunch
Boehner Blows Banana Chunks
Mean and Slimy Mitt Chip
Republican Rocky Road to Environmental Calamity
and Cream
Marijuana Ripple
Handgun Ban-ana
Raise the Debt Ceiling Raspberry
Tax Capital Gains Ganache
More Public Television Funding Pina Colada.
No Death by Chocolate Penalty.
One World Walnut
Bilingual Education Neopolitan
Environmental Protection Pineapple
End Global Warming Pecan Twist (served slightly
melted)
Support Safe Legal Abortion Swirl.
Soft on Crime Marshmallow.
Sex Toys Pretzel Twist.
Mocha Fudge Fourteenth Amendment.
Tea Party Destroys Country Parfait
Free Love Whoopie Pie
Evangelical Nut Sundae.
Obama 2012 Chocolate Orange
We invite you
to produce a few of these flavors. And while
those million moms take up their pens to write
you complaint letters, we’ll be knocking on
doors to promote intelligent candidates, writing
editorials supporting action on serious issues
and working with our friends and neighbors to
build a new progressive movement. And you know
what? When we finally achieve meaningful change
in this country, we’ll celebrate with an ice
cream party, and serve up some Progressive
Taxation Swirl, Pelosi Passion Fruit Sorbet and
Peacetime Pecan Crunch!
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Biography For Roz Warren<|>Return To The Story List And
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