|In modern day
living, the things we rely on don't
always go right.
Luckily help is at hand, anytime day or
Phoning your bank, hoping to speak to a
friendly human to assist in your query.
Greeted instead by a dull recorded drone,
Press 1 for this, 2 for that
or just keep pressing numbers like a div.
Pres 2495 if you've quite frankly lost
the will to live.
To change any of your details, press 5
followed by star key, or hash symbol to
Hang on, the customers doing all the work
here while they sit and do jack!
There aren't any
blasted things I wish to amend
I just want to speak to a human, is that
so difficult to comprehend?
None of your options fit in with my
No I do not need to hear the options
again or I'll smash the phone in dearie.
My handsfree is not
working, I'm forced to have the phone
clamped to my ear.
MIddle of the road hold music nearly
reducing me to tears.
Saying my patience is appreciated, well
my custom sure isn't so that's rich.
Stop repeating "We are sorry to keep
you waiting" apologies don't help
She's repeating the
same message now again, my phone bill
will be large.
If I ever meet this woman I will be held
up on an assault charge.
Hallelujah...oh another voice asking me
to enter my account number and sort code
Still at least now I'm told I'm moving up
in the queue
At last a real
person, who says "Can I start by
taking your account number please?"
I've just given that so you can start on
working out the cost of your hospital
My question seemingly too complex at
which point a supervisor is called in to
A jumped up poser with over-gelled hair
only 2 years older than her.
Oh well onto the
dishwasher repair line as my machine has
sprung a leak
Good news they can fit me in as early as
the end of next week
No clue on when though, the unhelpful
receptionist barks indignantly, just wait
The repairman doesn't know what time he'll
finish up in his van scoffing his yorkee.
All this so he can
come swaggering clumsily though my house
with halfwit apprentice in tow.
Treading dirt and muck in with them
wherever they go.
Swinging toolbox, nipping backwards and
forwards to van to phone his guv
Bending over appliance, showing his
backside while chewing and saying "dunno
When I've phoned a
call centre as a calm rational person,
and been on hold all afternoon
Waiting for donkeys years then getting
cut off turns me into a homicidal loon,
My blood pressure elevated my head full
of unadulterated rage.
Let's go back to the old days and sod
this modern age!