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by Wayne Carlan

The kids had been after me to bring them to see this new movie called “Zombie Land”. Ok, I admit it, I had been wanting to see it, too. So a few months ago we all went to see it and it was actually pretty good. Not the typical spook movie though cause it was pretty funny.

There was this one scene were this guy always checks the public bathrooms for zombies before he does his business. (Apparently the public bathrooms are a zombie hot spot for some reason.) This guy walks in like John Wayne, kicking in the stall doors and checking every single toilet. After the movie ended we all had to go to the bathroom because we had finished off one of those 64 ounce drinks. Daaang, they are huge, but the small one is only .12 cents cheaper, so what can you do?

Anyway, we get to the bathroom and my 16 year old son, Josh, gets a little ADD from the movie. He looks at us and yells “HEY! Y’ALL WATCH THIS!” He gets in the “karate kid” stance and actually pulls off one of the best front kicks I have ever seen. He was only joking around and was trying to replay the bathroom scene from the movie but there was one little problem. He accidentally kicked in a stall door. I just hung my head and waited but the look on Josh’s face told the rest of the story.

When he said, “Dude, I’m so sorry”, my suspicions were confirmed and I almost peed my pants right there from laughing so hard. This poor guy is just sitting there, minding his own business, with his pants around his ankles, wearing nothing but a terrified look on his face. He must have seen the same movie.

Everything got real quiet and Josh said “Let me get that for ya.” Then he slowly reaches in and closes the door back. I’m now leaning on the sink trying to catch my breath. I’m in a bathroom with six urinals and four stalls and I think I’m going to pee my pants for sure. How ironic is that?

Thank the good Lord for children that don’t think. They make the world a funnier place. God bless ya son! I’m just sayin’.