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When Idiots Run for Office
by Michael C. Keith

“The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”   –– Trump

“I will credit my father, he invented green eggs and ham.”  –– Cruz

“We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”  –– Hillary

“It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming.”  –– Trump

“Put this plane on the ground. I left my sunglasses in the limo?  –– Hillary

“I’m a very, very proud wacko.”   –– Cruz

“The messier my hair gets the more powerful I become.”   –– Sanders

“If she wasn’t my daughter I’d be dating her.”  –– Trump

“A woman enjoys intercourse when she’s fantasizing being raped.”  –– Sanders

“Immigrants are more fertile – and they love families.” Jeb

“Having spent the past month in D.C., it’s great to be back in America.”  –– Cruz

“If you’re not on the bus, we’ll run you over with the bus.” –– Kasich

“I’d most like to have a beer with Malala.”  –– Rubio

“I never hit my mother with a hammer.   –– Huckabee

“A lot of people who go to jail straight come out gay.”  –– Carson

“If I become president, we’re all going to say Merry Christmas again.”  –– Trump

“Women on welfare just have to find themselves husbands.”  –– Jeb

“I hate to say the word huge.”   –– Sanders

“Government has to make choices for people.”  –– Hillary