What a Way to Go
by Michael C.
Keith
Oh, the pain, the bliss of dying!
-- Alexander Pope
Ancient Greece philosopher
Chrysippus laughed to death while watching his
inebriated donkey’s bizarre behavior.
The Earl of Hereford succumbed to a
spear up his anus when accosted from the rear by
an enemy combatant.
Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe died
from a strained bladder while trying to avoid
insulting his hosts at a banquet by leaving the
table.
Famed French writer Moliere coughed
to death while performing his play “The
Hypochondriac.”
Adolph Frederick, King of Sweden,
ate himself to death by consuming several main
courses and 14 desserts.
Sea captain and explorer John
Kendrick died when struck by a canon ball fired
in his honor.
Brewer and college founder Matthew
Vassar expired during a farewell speech.
Distiller Jack Daniel died of a
broken toe after striking it against a safe
during a fit of anger.
American writer Sherwood Anderson
choked on a toothpick at a gala soiree.
David Grundman was killed when a
cactus he was using for target practice toppled
on him.
Fabled playwright Tennessee Williams
perished when an eye-drop bottle cap lodged in
his throat as he tended his morning ablutions.
Twenty-eight year old Lee Seung Seop
died from exhaustion while playing a video game
nonstop for two days.
Radio contestant Jennifer Strange
accidentally drowned herself by drinking
excessive amounts of water in order to win a
Nintendo Wii console.
Sailor Jonathan Campos committed
suicide by stuffing toilet paper down his throat.
And Mama Cass Elliott did NOT die in
her sleep because part of a ham sandwich got
stuck in her windpipe.
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