would never cheat on you.
Bobby, of course not. Its just that you
were picked up by aliens and taken to their
mothership and examined by them and you lost two
whole days even though it seemed like only 15
it sounds crazy.
came home with lip gloss all over you and
smelling like a perfume factory.
you, I can explain that.
Im up for a good laugh. Fire away.
were doing some kind of weird experiment. . .
they had an android and she -- I mean, it -- was
really realistic looking. I mean, with a body
like -- um, not like yours, of course. Nothing
like yours, honey.
it was pretty amazing. They engineered this thing
to look like. . . well, it looked like--
dont want to hear what it looked like!
thinking of you the whole time, I swear.
cant believe Im listening to this.
humiliating, really. I never felt so used.
sure thats exactly how you felt.
dont know why they picked me. I was on my
way home from work when this big spaceship just
sucked the car right up in the air. I dont
think anybody saw, because I had gotten off the
highway and I was driving on a deserted road.
saw? How convenient.
honey, Im traumatized. I may not ever be
able to function in bed again.
right, Ive heard enough. Out!
honey. . .
lying, cheating. . . get out of my house! I
dont ever want to see you again.
. . would you believe me if I showed you one of
lost your mind? Now Im worried about you.
He opened the
screen door and in stepped a woman that looked
like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Kim
Kardashian on the best day of their lives.
Zarq 5, Bobby said. Shes an
Zarq 5 said. Her voice was low and sultry.
In a flash
Darlene hit the android with a lamp stand. Then
she hoisted a heavy ceramic vase and threw it at
the robots head. Then she picked up a
footstool and chased Zarq 5 around the living
room with it. The android s face registered
stark terror. It held its arms out to ward off
the blows, but that proved ineffective.
Darlene screamed. Intergalactic trash! Get
out of my house. If I ever see you around him
again Ill make you wish you were a
collection of parts floating around one of
broke a heel trying to get away, but it ran
amazingly fast and was out the door and down the
street in an instant.
Back on the
mothership, the android made its report.
creatures, it concluded. They are not
worth colonizing. And mating with them will only
produce violence from the female of the species.
commander filed a report that gave Earth such a
low priority rating it was guaranteed not to
receive another exploratory probe for at least a
millennium. The ship sped off to another part of
the galaxy. The android would not come out of its
quarters until the ship had passed Jupiter.