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On Being Invisible
by Mike Close

Being invisible is really a blast most of the time. You can go places and see things that many people don’t get to. There are pitfalls as well, and there are no schools for how to be invisible. Once you find you have this…talent…learning how to use it can sometimes be a challenge. I hope these lessons will help you in some small way.

The first time it happened to me, I came down stairs to show my Mom. I was still wearing my clothes. I was 14 at the time and not thinking things completely through.

“Mom! Look, I’m invisible!”

Next thing I know, she’s passed out on the floor in a dead faint. All she saw was an empty set of clothes standing there with my voice coming from that general direction. I felt so bad that I had scared her like that.

Lesson one – If you are going to be invisible, do it naked, keep your mouth shut, and control bodily noises. This saves a lot of embarrassing questions.

Lesson two – Make sure you empty your bladder before you sneak on a plane. There is absolutely no room in an air plane toilet for more than one person. Talk about embarrassing! When the door opens and that hefty woman steps in, there is no place to go! You can’t even squeeze past her (Voice of experience here. Yeah. Listen to me now, believe me later). This led to many screams and a wild cabin search but ultimately, they just thought she was a bit high strung, to put it mildly.

Our last lesson for today, Lesson three – No one can see you, except other invisibles. That’s right. They can see you, and you can see them. That whole ‘being naked’ thing is sinking in, right? It’s fine being naked when no one can see you, but, if there are others who can see you…naked, and you can see them…naked, well, that changes the whole dynamic doesn’t it? Even when you are not invisible, you can still see other invisibles around you, if they are there. And they can tell you are one of them, as they see a slight bluish glow about you when you are not invisible. You will have clothes on, most likely and they, of course are naked. This is just something you have to get used to. It does no good to avert your eyes, you’re going to see it anyway. They are dealing with the same unpleasantness looking at you when you are invisible, so you have a choice. Exercise and lose some weight so you are not unpleasant to look at, or get really happy with the skin you’re in and they can all go take a flying leap if they can’t handle the truth! Of course, I took the latter option. Hope you can handle the truth!