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by Michael C. Keith

The prophets prophesy falsely.                                      

–– Jeremiah 31

“Welcome to Judgment Day, Barry. As you’ve probably surmised, I’m God. Next to me here is Jesus, my son.”

“I didn’t think there was . . . I mean, that I’d ever be here, sir . . . ah, your Holiness. I’ve never been what you’d call a believer. And I never worshipped you like the priests said to.”

“That worship thing has bothered me for over 2,000 years. It was never my idea, Barry. Those people down there who thought they represented me got it all wrong. Why would I want to be worshipped? What kind of a Creator do they think I am that I need human beings to venerate and adore me? Why would they think me that vain? To be thought of in that way has always disturbed me.”

“Well, no offense, God, but I never did.”

“No offense taken, Barry. As far as I can tell from your record, you’ve been a good and decent man.”

“I’ve tried to be, sir.”

“That’s good enough for us, right Jesus?”

“Darn right it is!”

“Whew! Thank you, Jesus. I thought there’d be . . . well, nothing after death.”

“You call these nothing, Barry? Here, put these wings on.”