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THE DR. PHILBILLY SHOW - Melissa's Snake
by Wayne Carlan

When the boys were younger they had a bad habit of scaring me with rubber snakes. I am deathly afraid of snakes so they got a real kick out of watching me scream like a twelve year old little girl when I came home from work. I would through away the rubber snake every time it happened but it always seemed to find its way out of the trash and back into my life once again.

One day Melissa was in the laundry room doing the clothes and she saw what she thought was the rubber snake on the window sill so she grabbed it. To her surprise it wrapped itself around her wrist and all hell broke loose! She is screaming, freaking out and fighting with a real snake. She even managed to break out a window. Josh was the first on the scene and she tells him to come get me. I run down the hall to see what’s going on and I see her with this snake wrapped around her arm and she is yelling for me to help.

I run right out the back door and she is screaming at me “Where are you going?” I said “I’m going to get help.” She informs me that I am her help.

What the heck am I going do? So I get a big knife and start toward her which freaks her out even more. (Wayne Carlan with a knife and a snake is not a good combination, especially when the snake is on your arm.) She starts running from me and I’m chasing her telling her to stop. She bolts out the front door screaming with me right behind her waiving a knife.

The mail lady had just closed our mail box lid when she see’s us coming out of the house and you can imagine the terror in her eyes. Melissa is yelling “HELP ME” and I’m yelling “COME BACK HERE.” The mail lady peals out burning rubber and throwing rocks everywhere. Melissa finally got the snake off of her and when we realized that the mail lady probably thought I was trying to kill her we waited patiently for the sheriff’s department, who by the way, never came. Neither did our mail for about 3 days. I’m just sayin’.