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Letter to a Country Music Station Seeking Funny Guests
by William D. Hicks

Hey Mike:

I heard you on the radio and I’d love to be part of your show. Whereas I love country music and I’m a humor writer…as well as being pretty humorous in person…this is the reason I think you should LET me be on your show.

Let me list the reasons:

1. I am funny—you are funny. But I know when to shut up so you can be funny! But do YOU know when?? Just kidding, I love your show. And anybody else’s show that might let me be on it. Please forward this letter to them.

2. You are a man—I am a man. ‘nough said!

3. Men are better than women….at everything except giving birth, handling money, and well let’s be honest about this, putting on makeup while they’re driving.

4. I will be discovered on your show…or not! Well, at least there are lots of things people will discover about me…some good…well, I won’t mention the brand of Clinique I use in MY rearview mirror (I had to test out #3 above didn’t I?). Being famous has its benefits—or did you think John & Kate Plus Eight did if for the money?

5. I love country music…well, not as much as those groupies that follow Tim McGraw around trying to test his marriage, his faith and well….Faith. Good thing she knows how to handle a double barreled sawed-off shotgun.

6. I am a late night person…so I can stay up that late. Plus, with what I have to say…well you’d better be 18 years of age or older to hear it….GoX Dam* It! (expletives deleted for the reading audience!)

And those are the six rules to dating me…oops...that’s another letter!

Anyhow…write me. As I am funny—you are funny.