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by Wayne Carlan

Ok, a few years ago me and a friend, let’s call him Julian Robertson, went to Hollywood, CA. One day we visited Venice Beach, just hanging out and enjoying the sites when I see this big black muscle man on roller skates wearing a leopard print thong. Now, I’m from southern Mississippi so I just got to take a picture of this.

As I take the picture he spots me and starts coming my way. I look behind me but no one is there. He’s walking toward me. So I casually turn around and start to walk the other way. I take a left, he takes a left. I take a right, he takes a right. I speed up and he speeds up. I can’t shake this freak!

Finally I’m into an open run and he’s right on my tail. He is bent over at the waist with his arms swinging like an Olympic skater. Finally I run out of breath and just give up. I turn to face my demise like a man and set myself into the karate kid position. He slams on his brakes right beside me and says “Hey dude, you owe me a dollar”.

“Huh? I don’t owe you anything.”

“You took a picture of me so you owe me a dollar. That’s how I make my living.”

By now I’m getting my wind back. I have a dollar but I’m not giving it to him just out of principle and home grown stupidity. It’s a free world; I should be able to take a picture if I want. So I finally said “Ok, you win.”

I reached for my wallet and when the time was right I took off again. It looks like we are filming a movie scene. Everybody is just standing around watching this freak run me down. I’m running in circles basically and I’ve already run past Julian three times. (I’m sure he would have helped if he wasn’t so busy laughing.) I’m about to pass out and this dude hasn’t even broken a sweat yet. So I pull out a dollar from my pocket and just throw it over my shoulder behind me never breaking my stride. The man picks up the dollar and skates his happy thong-splitting butt back to his corner.

Julian walks up to me and opens his mouth to say something but I stop him in mid sentence. “Whatever Julian, you just better not tell anyone about this… and stop laughing! Daaang, I need a coke.”