Intimate Apparel
Thieves From Outer Space
by Michael C.
Keith
Everyone’s
quick to blame the alien.
–– Aeschylus
Agnes was returning from
shopping when she noticed something odd hovering
over her house. At first she thought it was a
large bird, but then she realized it had no wings.
How can something fly without wings? she
asked herself, taking a closer look. It wasn’t
until she reached the walkway leading to the
front door of her condo that it became clear to
her that it was a UFO. A metal platform extended
from it to her second floor bedroom. “Oh no!”
she blurted and ran into her house and up the
stairs. As soon as she reached her bedroom, she
threw the door open and stepped in. A blinding
light greeted her, causing her to freeze in her
tracks. When the light faded, she surveyed her
surroundings. Everything looked in order and the
object that had been outside the window had
vanished. It wasn’t until two days later as
Agnes was preparing for a party that she noticed
her cherished Star Trek faux fur rabbits-foot
pasties were missing. Furious at finding them
gone, she went to the window, opened it, and
shrieked toward the heavens. “YOU FUCKERS
BRING THOSE NIPPLE COVERS BACK!”
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