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THE DR. PHILBILLY SHOW - Fishin' With Paw In Law
by Wayne Carlan

Several years ago my father in law, let’s call him Shot Lee, and I went fishing in a Diamond Head bayou. We were doing ok. Well, I was doing ok. Shot always catches every dang fish in the water. He says his secret is putting the hook in the fish’s mouth. Whatever!

Anyway, he hooks a big one that bends his rod almost in half. He starts yelling at me to get the net, which I did. I’m hanging over the side of the boat waiting for him to wrestle it to the top of the water so I can scoop ‘em up. The water starts to churn and I’m half way over the boat. I start to scoop until this monster decides to stare me down. It was a freakin’ alligator!

I whip out my knife and start to cut the line until Shot yells “Nooooo!”

What the heck? I know he ain’t thinking about keeping it is he? I say “Shot, there ain’t enough room in this boat for me and a gator, so make your choice.” He says “Give me the net.”

Now we are only about 20 feet from the bank but I’m not about to jump in the water with a dang gator so I have to time this just right. Shot pulls the gator in the boat and then there’s a big splash. He turns around and sees that I’m practically walking on water. Michael Phelps would have never won this race. My feet look like a motor boat hauling butt. Every time I feel a branch or a log I let out a screech that even makes the birds stop chirping. The water was so cold but every few feet I feel a warm spot. Stop laughing…peeing on your self is not that funny.

I finally make it to shore and I look back at the boat, dripping wet with seaweed hanging off of me and there stands Shot in the boat with a 3 foot gator under his arm. He yells “Wayne, where you going? It’s just a baby.” I yell back “Y’all have fun. Babies have mommas. I’m going to the truck!”

I turn and head off into the woods. Of course I get lost and Shot is waiting on me at the truck by the time I get there. I stop about 10 feet from the truck and yell “Where’s the gator?” He looks at me and yells back “I let him go.” What?! You’ve got to be kidding! As soon as he gets me home, it’s definitely payback! I’m just sayin’.