Fall Down? Hmmm...Interesting
by Mike Calahan
Let me begin
this by saying that I am not indifferent or
completely cold (notice I said
‘completely’) nor do I consider myself
a misanthrope (except in regards to individuals
who are considerably better-looking than myself,
or who possess a far greater talent. In my
opinion, these people should rot). I do what I
can to champion the underdog, fight the good
fight, etc. Yet, with regards to the world around
me, more often than not I find myself not a
reactionary, but an observer--less the surgeon
and more the heart monitor that beeps incessantly
to the annoyance of the curmudgeon in the bed
nearby. I seem to watch the goings-on of others
in much the same way I would a courtroom drama:
the only reaction being ‘I wonder what’s
gonna happen next.’
Once, I was
sitting at a crowded cafe (doing my part to
stimulate the economy with a $2 coffee purchase)
when a grizzled man got up and, as quickly as he
stood, pitched forward to the floor. My initial
reaction (as I sipped my coffee and thought that
it could have used a bit more sugar) was not to
lend assistance, but, “Hmm, I wonder what
caused that? He doesn’t appear inebriated. I
wonder who will be the first to lend a hand? The
girl behind the counter, maybe? That seems a safe
bet.” As a young man wearing a Misfits t-shirt
kneeled down and offered his shoulder for the
fallen man’s support, I thought, “Hmm,
I was wrong. Interesting.”
Another time,
as I sat on a park bench adjusting the laces on
my shoes (so that the two ends were exactly even),
a melee broke out across the street. Looking up,
I thought, “That seems like an uneven fight.
I wonder what caused it? Looks like that tall one
might kick the other guy in the....Hey, whaddya
know, I was right. One point for me.” --Moments
later, I was walking back to my car, strongly
considering purchasing new laces.
It’s not
that I am indifferent, it’s just the Calahan
nature. It was my great-great grandfather Francis
Xavier Calahan who, on a trans-atlantic voyage in
1913, twirled his mustache as he thought, “I
wonder if we’re a goin’ t’ hit
that iceberg? Rather ominous-lookin’ thing
it is. Let’s see if I can guess who’ll
be the first t’ notice it... That lad in the
crow’s nest, ay, my money’s on him.”
And, it was my
great-great-great uncle (once removed) Eustis
Dellacroix Calahan, the theater critic, who,
while attending a play in 1865, let his eyes
wander in search of something more entertaining
and found himself ruminating, “Hmm,
that’s interesting. Isn’t that the
young actor Booth skulking around the
President’s box? I wonder if he’s going
to ask the President for an autograph? No, I bet
he wants to have a moment of his time in order to
discuss...”
“...A
shot? I did not expect that, at all. Interesting.”
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